A Diamond in the Rough
by Saltey
Summary: After she survived the 39th Hunger games Diamond Hart thought she'd be free to go home and live her life but the Capitol had other plans for her. Plunged into a world of vice and decadence Diamond finds herself having to survive a completely different game. Sequel to Life, Death and Alligator Mutts. Rated M.
1. Aftermath

**A Diamond in the rough**

**After she survived the games Diamond Gray thought she'd be free to go home and live her life but the Capitol had other plans for her. Plunged into a world of vice and decadence Diamond finds herself having to survive a completely different game. **

**Early July the year of the 39th games:**

As I run through the swamp the smell of the damp and the rot follows me, my feet force themselves through the thick mud which with every step slows me down.

"Let me be" I shout "It's over now"

"It'll never be over Diamond" the boy screams "I'll haunt you for the rest of your days"

I stumble and turn around expecting to see the ghost of the boy I killed, what I see is much worse. It's the alligator mutts, hundreds of them, all advancing on me. From nowhere a sword appears, it's dripping in blood but I grab it anyway. Feel the blood streaming out of it and onto my arms I swing the sword with precision and slice the head off one.

"Why did you do that Diamond" the Mutts speak as one, with his voice. I look at the beheaded mutt, it has his eyes. The eyes stare at me looking into my mind, "why did you do it Diamond" it asks again.

"you're not real" I yell at the mutts of my nightmares and I behead another two, they keep coming though and as I slash and chop the swamp fills with blood and the blood begins to drown me dragging my under.

"Why did you do it Diamond" the mutts ask me as I wake up screaming.

I take a deep breath and survey my surroundings, I'm back in the old apartment in the training centre, tomorrow, I look at the clock on the wall, no later today I will be taken for the short train journey home.

Throwing off my sweat soaked sheet I walk to the window and watch as the sun rises over the Capitol, out on the streets a team of Avoxes have been tidying up the mess of the previous nights parties since the early hours. I catch the last few of them now, throwing bags of trash into large trucks and gripping onto the sides as they are driven away from the sight of the citizens. Not that any of them will be up until later, probably at around 1pm to watch my arrival home over brunch.

Behind me I hear footsteps and swing my body around, my eyes dart around the room looking for a weapon.

No wait, I'm not in the arena or fighting the Omri mutts of my nightmare. I'm safe. Yes Safe.

"Didn't mean to startle you Diamond, thought everyone would still be in bed" Its Rock one of the district two mentors, what is he still doing here didn't he go home with the bodies of Ryker and the girl whose name I can't remember.

But I don't ask him that I just shrug "couldn't sleep"

"Who was it?" he asks me

"Omri" I reply and he nods, I guess all victors must dream of the death they caused.

"Give it a few months" he tells me, "once the capitol decide they like you, you should be able to ask for something to for a more peaceful sleep"

"Like drugs?"

"Something like that yeah" he nods "good luck Diamond" he says as he leaves my apartment making me wonder again why he was coming from Silks room at sunrise.

"Oh" I sigh, getting it, of course.

The room is silent again so I find a hole in the wall and order some food, a plate of steaming eggs and fish appear before me in moments, followed soon after by a fresh bread roll filled with raisins and a mug of coffee, I eat it as I watch the empty city streets from my window. The cleaning Avoxes have all gone now but a few people are moving around, some head to the tribute centre probably here to help arrange my trip home whilst others just meet for early morning gossip and coffee at the shop across the street adorned with a mermaid wearing a victor's crown.

Later come the school children, their laughs and shouts can be heard clearly even though I think they're a few streets away.

"No I want to be Omri this time" one shouts and my heart drops "you can be Spud"

"Spud sucked, you always get to be Omri"

They're playing at the games, they're acting it out me and my fellow tributes as we killed each other turned into a playground game. I shouldn't be shocked we know the capitol well in one, they tell us about it at school, but at the time the thought never crossed my mind that I'd ever be in this position.

"Well it's not my fault Penelope is poorly today, we'll have to find another Diamond"

My mouth fills with bile and I find myself rushing to the bathroom where I promptly throw up my food. With a sigh I look at myself in the mirror, dark bags surround my eyes and a piece of puke rests on my chin, I splash it off with the cold water and debate if I should try and go back to sleep. I don't want to see that boy again though or any of the others, so I climb in the shower instead where I just stand there letting the water wash away the remains of the sick and clean me.

I turn off the shower and let myself drip dry looking over my body in the large mirror in front of me. Again I can't stop staring at my body, they fixed me and 'improved' me and now they're shipping me home, I decide to talk to Silk once we get home, try and figure out what no one's telling me.

A press of a button and my hair is dried and combed, not that my hair usually needs that much work it's so short, I never understood the girls who go into the games with their hair down their back, sure you'll look pretty in the parade but when another tribute is pulling you back with it or you sleep to close to your fire then it just becomes a death sentence. I suppose I could grow it out now but I've gotten used to it, no point changing what you like.

"Diamond are you awake dear?" the voice is Silks from outside my door.

"Yes, come in if you want" I reply wrapping a robe around my dry body and leaving the bathroom for what will probably be the last time.

Silk is already in my room and sitting on my bed, I walk over to the dresser and begin to pull out underwear and some form of smart looking clothing to wear today, or will my stylist be back?

"Tigris is bringing you a dress for today" Silk tells me reading my mind again, she's good at that but I guess it's just because she was in my place once.

I wriggle into the panties under the robe and then turn throw it off giving Silk a full view of my breasts as I clip on a new bra, I make a mental note to see if I can steal some before I leave, none of my old ones will fit now.

I throw the robe back on and sit on the bed beside Silk, "I can ask you anything right?" I ask

She nods "Sure that's my job"

"But what about.." I'm not sure if it's the right word to use but I try it anyway "as a friend?"

She studies me for a moment, I guess the sarcastic cruel Diamond from the arena isn't the type to want friends in her eyes. As she pauses I take her in too, properly just sat here in my room still in her nightgown with a makeup free face that makes her look much younger than usual. I do some quick maths she won the games at eighteen four years ago, the year after Rock that would make her twenty two now still five years older than me no matter how old I feel after the two weeks in the swamp. Maybe I'm being stupid.

"Yeah I can be your friend Diamond, if that's what you want"

I nod and she smiles "come on Hermes will be up now, we can have some brunch before we pack"

I guess my questions will have to wait for later then; food comes first before we lose it until next year, or the victory tour I suppose.

After I nibble at my plate of food for a short while as Hermes and Silk quietly discuss the plans for the next few hours I excuse myself. Arriving back in my room I find a case sitting open on my bed places there by an Avox I suppose. But what to pack? Nothing here is mine.

I find my reaping outfit in a draw and pack that, it's a smart black blouse with a white lace collar and white skirt that works equally well for funerals. I make a decision to never wear it again and throw it back in the draw. Remembering my earlier thought I throw the bras in the case and leave it on the bed as I wander over to the window.

"Is that all you're taking" the voice of Daphne my escort takes me by shock mostly because I didn't even think she'd be here today. The capitol trust the Mentors of some districts to care for their tributes and victors more than others, maybe she's here as backup in case I revert back to crazy Diamond again.

"It's all I need from here" I answer her "I have clothes at home"

"But you need the matching panties for these" she tells me, sounding almost in shock that I hadn't already thought of that. She pulls them out of the draw and adds them too my case, some don't look more than a few pieces of string, striking me as very impractical and obviously something the capitol people would love.

"What else do we have here" Daphne ignores the drab reaping clothes I brought with me and begins to extract some dresses from the large wardrobe I don't think I'd even thought to open.

"oh yes this one would be perfect, with these matching shoes of course, then you'll need this one of course and that sparkly one, oh and that one is gorgeous"

I let her talk to herself and the clothes as I carefully pack the ones she passes me, arguing feels like an effort its barely midday and already I'm exhausted, I wish I wanted to sleep then maybe I could nap on the train.

I didn't even get the opportunity to sleep on the train as Daphne prepped me on the expectations of a district one victor, tonight would be for my family she tells me then tomorrow morning I would move into my new house in Victor's Village where they'd have the press conference. She begins to go over the questions and my appropriate answers. It's all too much for me to remember but Silk is beside me, she'll remind me I'm sure.

Before I know it the train has pulled up at the station.

I take the small steps down from the train with Silk still by my side and look back over my home district, cheers come up from the crowd of district one much larger and happier than the ones I heard in the capitol as I left barely three hours ago. Looking over into the crowd I see my father pushing his way to the front and run to meet him.

"I'm sorry I told our secret" I whisper into his ear as I wrap my arms around his neck, he is a short man who wouldn't hurt a fly, my gangly height and cruel streak must have come from my mother.

I see her now stood further back in the crowd her face hard and uncaring she glares towards me as does her husband Clos' father. I knew not to expect a happy reunion but now I know she won't even pretend for the cameras as least I know where she stands.

Dad finally releases his grip around my waist and takes a good look at me, "what have they done to you my girl?" he sighs

"Daad!" I groan knowing he is referring to my new boobs "way to embarrass me in front of the whole county much" the crowd chuckle confirming that I'm still being watched.

"Come on honey lets go home" dad says with a smile and hand in hand we walk through the crowd, the cameras following us and people around us shouting praise and asking me questions, neighbours friends all shouting over each other.

"There will be a press conference tomorrow" I hadn't realise Silk was still following us and dad doesn't seem to mind as he's invited her in for a cup of coffee.

I feel strange for a moment, Silk doesn't belong here, she belongs in the Capitol here in our dark shack on the edges of the mining sector she looks like a lost princess.

Dad is making the most of her however, fussing to make the coffee perfect and thanking her for returning me and asking endless questions.

I guess that things won't get back to normal anytime soon then.

**AN: I realised when re-reading LD&AM that I have both Silk and Rock down as winning the games five years previously, obviously this is wrong so for the sake of this story Rock won five years ago (34****th**** games) and Silk four (35****th**** games) just they both won at eighteen so Rock is now 23 and Silk 22.**


	2. New Beginings

**Late September the year of the 39th games:**

After the hustle and bustle of my moving in day I was mostly left alone by the people of one and the press of the capitol. They had all jumped on the first train home after I'd finally shut my front door on them providing the perfect shot to end their 'coming home special' with.

So I let myself fall into a routine, no one has asked me to find a talent or hobby yet though Silk has often mentioned hers is of an entertainment nature. After a week or so of sleepless nights and waking from nightmares a small package arrived in the mail.

'Till they decide if they like you' was written on the side of the box in a simple block capitol handwritten font, almost as if the sender was trying to hide their identity. It's Rock of course but maybe he only wants me to know he sent them. Inside the box was a small pack of pills fifty in total, not enough to keep me sleeping until the victory tour but hopefully enough till I can fix myself enough to be able to sleep again.

That night despite the pill I dreamt again, this time it was Clos, technically I suppose it wasn't a nightmare we simply ran through the vineyards of the district. I trying to catch him up whilst he just ran faster and faster until he was gone from me by the time I woke up, leaving me with a feeling of guilt that lasted a week.

Months passed and I fell into a schedule, sometimes I write or draw the arena but I'm not good at either, I spend time with Silk or the other victors yet I'm never invited to the training centre. They tell me it's because I'm still to raw from the arena, but it's not that, I'm just not one of them, I'm a poor miners girl. But most of the time I just sit in my house waiting for meal times when I can help dad cook or bed time where I can take a tablet and sleep for a few hours.

It's late September that my pills finally run out, I awake early from what would be my last nightmare free night to find my prep team watching me sleep, "what on earth" I mumble as my sheets are pulled away from me.

"Happy Birthday Diamond" they scream in unison beginning to sing they words to 'for she's a jolly good fellow' together in varying tunes that seem to blend into one.

I never learnt to tell the three apart in the capitol, just referring to them in my head as blonde one, two and three, it would seem rude to ask them their names now as after all we've seen so much of each other or should that be they've seen so much of me. They're staring at me again and I'm suddenly very aware that I slept topless last night as the late September heat was keeping me awake even in the thinnest of tops.

"Oh aren't they gorgeous" blonde one tells me and I wrap one arm around my body grabbing the top I'd thrown on my nightstand with the other and sliding it on.

"Why are you guys here?" I asked them "the victory tours not for another month or two" I hadn't really been keeping track of my schedule.

"Birthday celebrations of course" blonde three tells me, she's the one with the nose piercing I remind myself "and the victory tour is November".

"We're here to get you ready for your meal in the capitol tonight"

Meal capitol, vague memories of Silk telling me there would be some kind of celebration for my seventeenth but she didn't specify. Either way I'm being dragged to the bathroom that leads from my bedroom which is the largest in the house. I'd tried to give it to Dad but he told me I deserved it more than he did.

After I'm scrubbed and prepped Tigris appears in my bedroom and embraces me saying how excited she is to see me again, her job now she tells me is to get me to the stage where I can dress myself appropriately for the capitol crowds as she'll be needed for the new tributes from the next games onwards.

"Silk will be a great help of course, she picked it all up very quickly"

She heads over to my wardrobe which is an awful mess, neither my dad nor I ever used to have time for laundry or ironing and now I seem to have all the time in the world I discovered that I don't care for it.

"Are they're no laundresses in this district" Tigris tuts at me extracting some of the dresses Daphne packed for me, "ah these ones are lovely yet unworn. I guess Daphne picked them out"

I nod as she turns to look at me as the three blondes trim my hair back down to its usual style and fix my nails that I've recently started to chew out of boredom.

"Always had a lovely style she has" Tigris continues "yes I think we can work with some of these, you will need more of course but we can get some over the next few days. Yes a shopping trip is certainly in order I think"

And on and on she went discussing every item in my wardrobe while throwing some of my oldest items in a pile to throw out and others in a pile to be laundered. I have no sentimental attachment to any of the clothes in there all hand-me-downs from neighbours or items bought cheap from the market.

It was around midmorning that she stopped, I had been pruned and primped and was ready to go as I stood up from my bed my stomach growled at me reminding me I hadn't had any food yet today. There's no time to eat now I'm told as I'm bundled out of my house and into a car to take me to the station before I realise I hadn't even seen my dad yet that morning.

There's a small crowd of press at the train station all here to snap photos of me as I leave for my birthday party as I board the train I notice quite a few of the other victors are here too, there's Silk and myself, Shimma who won the games at fifteen ten years ago. I could mistake her for Silks twin if it wasn't for the orange, yellow and pink streaks in her hair and Brandi a tall dark woman who comes around to my house occasionally with baked goods and a number of nosey questions about how I'm getting on. We are the only females but then three of the male victors are here too Caliax, Hale and Paris all of a similar age and all close friends as they train future tributes in the centre together. But no Hermes or any of the other older victors such as Daria my neighbour in the village.

"Let's get the party started" yells Calix he's well known around the district for his partying ways and proves it now as he takes a bottle from the table and pops the cork into the air, it bounces off the ceiling and into a lamp.

"Ten points" laughs Silk as she takes a glass and lets him fill it, she passes it to me and fills another for herself.

"Drink it Diamond" she tells me, "You're a grown up now after all"

"I'm only turning seventeen" I mumble, is this such as good idea. Silk has already turned away and is in conversation with Shimma and Brandi.

I feel an arm drape around my shoulder "congratulations my dear" laughs Hale, he must have been drinking all morning as I can already smell it on his breath "Bet you never thought you'd make seventeen right love" he laughs in my ear and ruffles my new hair cut with his hand "drink kid" he tells me "trust me you'll need to be drunk to make it through the night" he laughs again and slaps me on the back before refilling his glass from the bottle.

I begin to sip from the glass quite enjoying the feeling of the bubbles on my tongue, I wonder if the champagne came from Clos' vineyard from my Moms vineyard. The more I drink the less the difficult questions worry me, Calix and Silk are always at hand to fill up my glass and the conversation has turned to the party tonight.

Apparently it will be held at the president mansion this evening and will be a grand affair with all the best of Panem's society attending including according to a select number of Victors from other districts.

"Probably just two and four mind you" Silk adds as she sees the worry on my face, she however is gleaming, I guess that means Rock will be there.

As a group we get through five bottles of bubbly before the train reaches the capitol. I still haven't eaten so it has had an interesting effect on me, my head felt heavy and the whole world seemed to be slightly off balance.

"I think she's drunk" giggles Shimma offering her hand to me to keep my steady, "let's get you somewhere to eat something" she smiles. The eight of us including Daphne all fit into a really long car which she refers to as a 'limo'. As we drive another glass of bubbly is passed to me which again I drink as we toast the capitol and the glory of winning the games much to the delight of Daphne.

"Oh I love all you guys so much" she squeals "you are all wonderful people"

"No we're no" replies Paris speaking for the first time since I'd met him that morning "we're all murdering scum" he laughs coldly and I notice the others glaring at him.

"You can go straight to the hotel, thank you" Hale speaks "I don't want you at Diamonds birthday meal, we'll see you tonight"

"Screw your meal then" replies Paris as the car pulls to a stop, the mood has sunk as we all but Paris climb out of the car, as we stand on the pavement outside a large glass building it drives of taking him with it.

"What a mood killer" sighs Silk linking her arm with mine "he always gets like that when he's drunk, come on lets continue the party without him"

After lunch my fellow victors disappeared off to visit friends in the capitol of go to various meetings although no one was very specific as to where leaving me alone with Daphne who waved into the street and a yellow car pulled to a stop.

"you have a couple of appointments today" she tells me "before the party tonight we need to chat to someone at the tribute centre and then Tigris will meet us at the mall to help pick out some of your new outfits"

"Tribute centre please" she speaks to the man in the car, is he another Avox?

"Course Miss Daphne" replies the driver, obviously not then.

"Cooper is that you?" she asks

"Sure is Miss Daphne" replies our driver

"You've had a hair cut" she chuckles "didn't recognise you at first"

"Still look the same up front" Cooper replies and looks up into the mirror above his head giving me a full view of his face, he doesn't look as done up as some of the other capitol men I've seen today.

"Pleasure to drive you too Miss Diamond" he says "I was rooting for you from the start". They all say that.

"Diamond bested one of yours didn't she?" asks Daphne, one of his what?

"Yeah Aston, I know her Dad"

Aston, the girl in the tree the one with the stick, I can see her terrified face now as I slice into it with my knife.

"You're from six?" I exclaim

"Course" he chuckles "all us cab drivers are"

"Best drivers around" adds Daphne as the car pulls to a stop,

"Six dollars please" asks Cooper as Daphne swipes her card on a machine in front of her causing the cab doors to open.

"See you around" yells Cooper as he drives off.

"I didn't think district people could come to the capitol" I say

"But then who would drive us anywhere" she laughs "I wouldn't trust an Avox within three feet of a car they could drive"

She leads me back into the tribute centre with its eerily empty corridors and we head through some doors I've never noticed before, passing empty offices and locked meeting rooms till we find a room marked 'after-care'. The room is small with a desk covered in papers and a small computer, behind the desk sits a small lady in a purple wig, the name badge clipped to her white blouse reads 'Vita Yates – After-Care Specialist'

"What's aftercare?" I ask the two of them.

"It's simple dear" answers Vita "we just want to see how you're getting on post games, so we know how to progress you from here"

"It's all confidential" adds Daphne "I'll be outside when you finish and then we can go shopping" she squeezes my shoulder reassuringly and leaves me alone with Vita.

"Take a seat dear" says Vita pointing to the seat opposite her desk she clicks around on the computer for a moment before looking at me again.

"Tell me how you feel you're doing?"

How am I doing, I'm in a constant state of confusion, I'm scared because I'm out of sleeping drugs and everyone seems to be in on some big secret that I'm not being told.

"Alright I suppose, I keep having nightmares though" I need to convince them to give me my own supply of Rocks pills.

"What kind of nightmares?"

I nibble my lip trying to look like I'm remembering, while I make some up "about the others, the dead tributes. I relive the moment they died and I kill them."

"Even the ones you weren't responsible for?"

"yes sometimes, I've watched the games a few times over the last month and now I can't remember what I actually saw and what I've seen since" I'm suddenly honest with the woman, her calming presence is messing with my head.

She nods and types on her computer "that feeling will go after time" she tells me "but we can fix the dreams"

"Silk tells me there are pills" I lie, not wanting to mention Rock.

"Yes there are, they might be a bit strong for you though"

I shake my head "no I'm good, I need them to be strong, the dreams are so strong you see" I beg her.

She types something else on her computer "I'll see about getting you some then"

"Thank you"

"How about physically, do you feel fit and healthy"

I nod "yes, dads been making sure I eat well and I've been going for walks"

"Are any of the capitol alterations causing you problems?" why does the conversation always come back to my boobs "no need to be shy" she adds, as I realise I'm blushing like a silly child.

"They're fine" I tell her "I just don't get why I got them"

She smiles "think of them as a gift"

"Okay"

"You mentioned your father is keeping you fed, how are things with other family members?"

"There isn't anyone else."

"Your mother"

"Wants nothing to do with me" I mumble "she never did, I was stupid to share her secret with Clos and the world. I was angry and scared in the arena"

"Have the two of you spoke?"

"No"

"I see" she continues to type

"What are you writing" I ask leaning forward to try and see

"Just making notes, for my personal file, so we can track your progress"

"Okay" I wriggle on my seat "are we nearly done then?"

"Do you want to be done?"

"Well I was promised a shopping trip" I plaster on my best bimbo grin "and I need to get ready for my party"

She looks at me for a moment before nodding "sure we can be done for today" she tells me "I'll see what can be done about you're nightmares"

"Thank you" I reply as I stand and open the door to leave "It was lovely to meet you"

I step out of the room and find Daphne sitting on a chair that wasn't there when we first went in, she's focussing on a touch screen pad in her hands, I cough to get her attention.

"That was fast" she comments

"Wasn't much to say" I smile back "although she says I could get some sleeping tablets, for the dreams" I realise I sound far too happy at the idea so put my miserable face back on for a moment.

"Come on lets go to the mall" she says and I smile again, being a victor is hard work.


	3. Questions

**That evening:**

I am followed back to my hotel room by Tigris and my stylists; Daphne had vanished off back home as we finished up at the mall. The mall, where to begin with that place, I expected it to not be dissimilar to the markets back home, with traders shouting for attention and displays of all kind of exciting goods. What I found was completely different, each shopkeeper had their own small shop, separated to others by walls and glass. In the centre of the whole complex was a great dome made from green glass. Under it sat two dolphins that every few minutes would spurt a stream of water straight up into the air, much to the delight of the children watching and myself.

As we wandered the shops Daphne pointed out the cinema which was placed up a long golden staircase. She told me about all her favourite stores, where was best to get a haircut, or the best hot chocolate in town. There was nothing about that impressive structure that she didn't know, making me wonder if she was raised there.

Tigris and Daphne took me into more shops than I could count and I tried on three times that number of dresses, finally buying around ten.

"But I only need one for tonight" I told them, much to their amusement.

"Yes but we need to decide which one" Tigris had told me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

She lays out her top five dresses on the bed and we look them over together, all the time she is discussing the materials and the colours. Who knew there were so many words that meant pink? Finally she decides the deep cerise one would be perfect for tonight, mature enough to show I'm no longer a child but still playful enough so I am not thought of as dull. As the three blonds fuss over my hair I look at myself in the full length mirror and feel run my hands around the centre of the dress where several strands of diamonds have been embedded into the corset portion drawing attention to my chest. The dress is paired with some black heels that lift me several more inches off the floor, making my already gangly height even taller.

Soon enough I'm declared perfect and bundled downstairs into a waiting car. "The others are already there, awaiting your arrival my dear" Tigris tells me before I have time to realise I'm without any of my fellow victors.

Once we arrive at the palace I'm asked to wait for my arrival to be announced before I make my grand entrance. As I wait alone I realise how nobody is ordering me around anymore, I'm being asked for my opinion on dresses and if I'm willing to wait. Maybe they do see me as an adult now, or maybe they're just scared of me.

"The Winner of the 39th Hunger Games and tonight's Birthday Girl Diamond Gray" I'm not quite ready for the announcement expecting to have to wait a few minutes more. I blink as the grand doors in front of me open and the lights of the party shine into my face. Before me steps out Caliax, he extends his hand to me and helps me down the stairs.

"Perfect" he whispers to me as we reach the bottom of the stairs "they love you already" he passes me over to a man I don't know, who begins to dance with me.

"May I ask with whom I have the pleasure of dancing" I ask the man, not quite sure if my wording is right. I really need to get used to all this formal stuff.

"Names Bernard Wellington-Masters" he replies in the usual capitol dialect, "I've just been elected to the Gamemakers council"

"Congratulations" I reply, knowing this is the proper reply but not really caring. "I hear that's quite an honour".

"It is my dear, and I must say it has its perks" He looks down at me, or should I say he looks down my top and smiles giving me a shiver down my spine.

The song ends and I give him a curtsey and he returns with a bow, "Until later my dear" he tells me his eyes not moving from my chest.

"Until later" I reply moving over to the bar where an Avox passes me a glass of something.

"Not bad" Silk appears beside me and orders what I'm having; I take a sip, it's sweeter than the Champaign from earlier, and stronger too.

"He crept me out" I tell her,

She smiles at me and takes a sip of her own drink "there's more where he came from dear, you just have to take it as it comes. And behave like a lady." She sighs and looks over the dance floor where her eyes light up "Roland" she breaths placing her empty glass on the bar and rushing over to greet Rock.

I finish up my own drink and am set upon by two young gentlemen. Both look remarkably similar with cropped cream hair and unnatural sparkling blue eyes. One however is sporting a nose ring and the other a single gem also in his nose.

"Diamond Gray, it's a pleasure" says the one with the gem "My brother and I are big fans"

"Thank you sirs" I reply, "May I ask your names as you already know mine"

"What a lady" laughs the one with the ring "But I bet she's wild in the sack"

The other brother laughs at this comment "Names Castor and this is Pollux, Our uncle is the new Head Gamemaker" this comment is supposed to impress me or make me suddenly aware of their status as if I wasn't already fully aware I was nothing to them. Their attitude told me that much.

"I've not had the pleasure of meeting him yet" I reply

"He's working tonight" Pollux tells me "but you have us Diamond" he offers his hand and I reluctantly take it, one dance each I tell myself.

Many dances later I finally escape the brothers by excusing myself to go to the bathroom, I sit on a couch while an Avox hovers around the corner by a selection of perfumes, mints and other toiletries.

"Diamond there you are" Brandi comes through the door, two glasses in her hand, she hands me one and I drink. I'm becoming accustomed to this alcohol stuff, it blurs the real world a little.

"I've just been dancing with those wretched boys" I tell her "Can't you all leave me alone a while"

"Sorry darling, it's your big night. Which means you have to run around making everyone happy while they have all the fun"

"But those boys" I shudder "the way that looked at me, the way they acted like they could share me or something." I pause "They look at me like ... like there sizing me up before a purchase"

Brandi looks away and blushes, "If that's what they want dear"

"Is that what will happen to me then? I'll be whored out to the Castors and Polluxes of the capitol"

"Who... What?"

"What?" I sigh "Yes I know that word, for years until my father told me the truth I'd assumed that's who my mother was. Some poor desperate woman that father paid to sleep with him, a poor desperate man. The kids at school didn't help 'Diamonds moms a whore, a big fat ugly whore'" I mimic the voices of children.

"You'll just need to behave Diamond" she repeats the advice I keep being given. I nod.

"I will"

"Good girl" she places her hand on mine "let's go back to the party, leave the glasses"

I place my empty glass on the floor and the Avox comes over to pick it up almost immediately.

As we leave the bathroom, Brandi dances with me for a short while and as the evening becomes darker and the music faster, blending from the slow dances to a fast beat of drums and bass.

"You're good at this" I laugh as Brandi begins to grind her body and move perfectly in time to the beat.

"Practice" she replies pulling my arm above my head and spinning me around.

After another drink and another dance with Brandi she passes me onto another man, he's in-between the brothers and Bernard's ages. With a short gold beard and jet black hair. He spends the entire dance talking about his wife; she apparently is related to President Snow by way of some distant cousin but unfortunately can't be here tonight due to having given birth only hours previously.

"She so hoped that she'd been able to meet you though" he tells me "we're both great supporters of yours"

"Thank you"

"And we're both rather attracted to you too my dear. If you would consider our offer."

"Offer?"

"Oh haven't you been told, my apologies" I expect him to continue but he doesn't and the song ends and he steps back before taking a bow and vanishing, hopefully home to his wife and child.

I feel slightly sick from all the alcohol and lack of food so decide to go explore. Finding a room filled with banquet tables I rush to fill a plate. Lunch must have been at least ten hours ago.

As I stand in a corner eating my food and trying not to be seen in my very obvious pink dress as I eat I hear Silks voice. Looking up I expecting her to come up to me tell me to behave and drag me back to the party. She doesn't seem to see me however as she slips out onto the balcony and I hear her talk to someone else.

"How's Ula?" she asks, he voice barely above a whisper.

"Surviving" answers another young woman, that I recognise as District fours most recent victor, Sirena "she's a few more months gone now, but I think she's still very depressed. We've all been there for her and Shad though" Ula yes that's the name of the mentor of that district four kid, one of the ones who fell due to Omri's darts.

"Can you" Silk pauses "can you tell her I'm thinking of her, me and Roland both."

I feel wrong listening to this conversation so place my nearly empty plate down and begin to circle back around the room where I bump back into Bernard Wellington-Masters.

"Another dance my dear?" he asks me

"I'd be pleasured" I reply as he takes my hand and leads me back to the dance floor, another dance with him and I'm passed onto another man who doesn't introduce himself and spends the whole dance staring at my breasts. Then I'm passed on again to an older gentleman who spends the whole dance talking about each and every kill I made in the arena and praising my skills. This goes on for a while until the evening becomes a blur of dancing and leery men all after a stare or grab of my body.

Finally at what must be around five am I'm rescued by Silk, "Silk I'm sleepy" I whine to her quietly as I spin around her on the dance floor. I'd been passed all kinds of drinks that night and can barely stand.

"Come on then, let's get you back to the hotel" we make our way carefully through the crowds of leaving guests till we are at the front of the crowd waiting to get in their car and go home.

"Silk" I ask my mentor as she bundles me into a waiting car "Silk can I ask you a question?" my words slur and she chuckles.

"'course Diamond, ask me anything?"

"Am I to be the capitols whore?"

She begins to slowly stroke my hair as I lay my head on her lap, "Yes Diamond, yes you are"

* * *

**A/N: I wanted that one to be longer than it is but I like where I ended it, not sure if I should bump it up to an M or not though. I don't plan on being explicit of course but the themes are certainly getting a bit more adult.**

**Here's a picture of Diamonds party dress btw (just take out the brackets and spaces): . **


	4. Answers

**Well I appear to have made a bit of a silly mistake as pointed out by . , I've muddled up Diamonds surname given at the start of LD&AM (Hart) with her dads first name (Gray). So opps about that, I'll try to keep it straight for future chapters but please don't hesitate to point out other mistakes I've made trying to keep track of all these characters.**

* * *

**Two weeks later:**

The first night at home after my party was the worst, I was out of pills and had what Caliax had told me was a hangover. He also told me there was a pill to stop them but refused to give me one, I'd asked Silk and Shimma for one but they also refused on the grounds that they rarely give them out to victors so they had to save their own small supplies. The second night at home was better than the first in terms of my hangover but that was the night the nightmares re-appeared. Omri again at first, then Ryker, Ermin, Aston and other tributes I'd never met all killing me. Avenging their deaths one by one or sometimes several at a time.

Tonight, I dreamt that Aston and Cooper the cab driver are in my house, but Cooper is her father now. They lean over my bed and Cooper laughs as Aston slices into my face with one of the knives I used on her.

"Look at me daddy" she cried out "look at me I'm winning the games"

I wake up and scream, my dad runs into the room as he often does after I wake up screaming.

"Oh baby" he says holding my head to his chest, "this never happened before, what did they do to you in the capitol"

"Nothing" I reply truthfully, "I'm just out of sleeping pills" It's the first time I've mentioned them to him; my sleepy state had me forget this.

"They had you on drugs!?" he seems much more shocked than I thought he'd be.

"I asked for them, well I mentioned the nightmares to one Mentor and he sent me some"

"Who was it, Paris, Caliax, I never trusted those men" He stands up "I'll go see to them"

"No dad no don't. Its wasn't them" I sigh "It was Rock"

"Rock? That victor from two!"

"Yes, we spoke the morning after my interview when I'd woken up from a bad nightmare"

"And why dare I ask was he in the district one rooms" he sounds annoyed now.

"Probably seeing Silk" I begin to shout "I don't know what they were doing and I didn't ask she's a grown ass woman after all"

"Don't use that language with me" he scolds and I roll my eyes

"I'm not a little girl anymore dad, I'm a victor" I shudder "I've killed so many people, all so you can yell at me for saying ass!"

"Six Diamond you killed six" his voice is soft and he almost sounds scared.

"Six?" I repeat confused, of course he knows the number exactly, but it feels like so many more.

"So you could get home" he adds "so you could come back to me baby girl"

"So I could struggle through the nightmares"

He nods, as if he only just understands my dilemma, "You're out of these pills then?"

I nod "the night before my birthday was the last dreamless one"

He doesn't reply just sits back on my bed and takes hold of me again, I too remain silent, knowing now that he understands how much I need to get my pills back. I'll ring Vita maybe, her number must be written down somewhere.

After a while the sun begins to rise as I notice dad had drifted back off to sleep on my large bed. I climb out and leave him there as I start to make some kind of breakfast. Usually my favourite meal of the day as it means the dreams will be gone for the most time, today I'm not in the mood for anything extravagant. A mug of coffee and a chocolate infused bun later and I'm good for the morning. Not wanting to wake dad I decide to leave the house for a while, go see Silk, we need to have a talk anyway.

She opens the door still in her nightgown, a dishevelled bun of hair and no makeup. "Diamond its six am, what's wrong?"

"Oh is it still that early, I couldn't sleep" I tell her inviting myself into her house "anyway I want to talk about what you told me at my birthday party" I'd left it two weeks now and I had decided she was avoiding me since the party, she can't avoid me at six am though, hence the early morning visit.

"What did I tell you?" she asks quietly closing the door behind me.

"The truth, at the end of the evening. I don't remember much about that night but I'll never forget you telling me I'm to be the capitols whore."

Silk puts her hands up to her face and rubs her eyes before running them across the top of her head in an exasperated manner, "have a seat" she sighs, "you want a coffee or something?"

I shake my head "no thanks just the truth" I sit on a couch and she sits opposite me in a large arm chair, he leans forward and places her hands on her knee as she studies me for a moment.

"The truth is what I told you that night." She says eventually "Those men are probably now in the middle of a bidding war to be your first, the president will reap the monetary rewards of course"

"What will I get?"

"The knowledge that your father's life is safe, that you will continue to be a favoured victor of the capitol"

"What's dad got to do with it?" I ask, not sure I want to hear her answer

"He'll be their bargaining tool, they'll use his life to control yours. Why do you think so few of us have families like you?"

"You said no?"

"I didn't, I never really had any problem with it" she says with a dismissive shrug, _she still lives alone though _I think, _where are her family?_ "Brandi did though, three years ago then there was that explosion at the factory" she continues

"The explosion, that guard?" I remember it well, one of the perfume bottling plants blew up three years ago, and the only casualty was the night guard.

"Her brother"

"Oh my gosh. So Father?"

"Mining's such a dangerous job anyway" she says calmly and without a hint of threat, I nod, there's always the fear that rocks could come loose or machines could fall or explosives not work right, there's always a chance that dad wouldn't come home to me at an evening.

"So I'll have to do this, when?"

"When they want you to, could be tonight, tomorrow, a week, even a month from now, but it'll be soon. You just have to behave"

"It's that word again, everyone keeps telling me to behave" I reply feeling exasperated.

"The capitols still afraid of you Diamond" I almost grin at the thought despite the serious tone of the conversation but Silk scowls at me "that isn't a good thing; they'll be watching you more closely than if you'd been less of a high profile victor"

I nod, the capitol will be watching my every move, I knew that though, I may have been ignoring it but I think I've been aware that they were watching me for a while now.

"I'll have to do what they want then" I decide

"I'm sorry Diamond but yes you will" Silk says bringing me in for a hug which I return.

"Dad will be wondering where I am" I tell her "Can we talk about ... erm ... what they'll expect ... of me?" my stomach turns at the thought, I've never had a boyfriend or wanted one for that matter, life is too busy to deal with relationships beyond immediate family I've always thought. But now I seem to have a lot of time on my hands and a fair number of suitors that father keeps turning away from the door.

"Any time Diamond" replies Silk wrapping her arms around me before letting me out of the front door.

I walk home slowly and decide that I have to be clever about this, give the capitol enough so they'll supply me with my pills but not enough so that I loose myself. I can feel myself going aready i'm becoming weak and needy and I don't want that. If I could just have my pills then I could sleep and then I could be me again.

Dads already gone by the time I get back, probably to the mine, I hate the idea of him going still my winnings are enough to support the two of us but rules are rules and he needs to have a job. Mining's all he's ever known so it's not like he can suddenly go develop perfumes or shine jewellery, still my earnings means he can give up more over time work to his more needy work mates and is away from the mine a little more than usual.

In the barely used study of our victors house I find a pile of paper letters that mostly lie unopened, under the illusion that I'm looking for Vita's phone number I begin to open them but I soon get off track.

I have about fifteen fan letters from boys asking to marry me, to girls wanting to be me and of course the creepy people wanting to do unspeakable things to me, all from the capitol of course. I throw these all in the bare fireplace deciding to light them later, maybe make a big deal out of it when dad gets home, I'll see. Next I come across some letters from 'The Bank of Panem' telling me that my first payments are in, I have over 15,000pn in the bank, so much money I'd barely know what to do with it. I place that letter to the side to deal with later and pick up the next one. It's a magazine titled 'Victors Periodical' full of interviews and gossip and the like all from Victors around Panem, I'm on the cover. I throw it in the fireplace without opening it, I don't want to know. The next letter is the one I'm looking for, it tells me that I've been prescribed six months of sleep medication with a review to be scheduled for when it runs out. I smile in gladness that I've not been made to prove myself or whatever Silk said, maybe she was being paranoid. But still I should ring and see how long they'll be.

The last letter looks official and as I slice it open I find a rail pass baring my name and picture valid for five years of payment free travel to the capitol with the pass is a note.

'Diamond congratulations on your victory. Please grace us with your presence in the capitol on Friday morning. A car will arrive for you at 06:00' There is no signature. So soon?

* * *

The next morning I awake from a nightmare in which Clos chases me down and kills me several times over. For a change it doesn't scare me too much I just feel deflated in the thought that there's nothing I can do now to change my predicament, I'll spend the rest of my life trapped in a cycle of drug fuelled sleeps or nightmares of the games when my pills run out.

It's still early and I'm not really hungry yet so I decide to flick through the channels on the television, a bad idea. The main feed is replaying my games again, I watch myself begin to chase down Clos and quickly change over the channel. Most houses only get the main feed but as a victor I'm privilege to some of the other channels that they get in the capitol.

They're playing a repeat of an interview with the new district six mentor on two, some woman by the name of Ophelia-Sunshine, she's flirting with Caesar and generally being far too happy with her new job. Something clicks in my brain as I watch the woman witter on about how she got her hair done just for the occasion, six, Aston, the pill. The whole thing must have been the mentors fault; why else would they replace him? But where is he now, something tells me he's not sitting at home with his wife and kids, if he's lucky he'll be spending some time in a capitol prison, I don't think he's lucky though.

I shudder at the thought and change over to the third and final channel where I find myself watching a capitol show that seems to be about a young capitol girl going through adolescence and struggling with very important things like finding a boyfriend and not falling out with her many friends. Unlike the other channels it doesn't seem to relate directly to the games beyond the odd mention of the latest victor crush, so I let myself become drawn in by its ridiculousness.

Seemingly Miss Perfect had been invited to a party but her ex-boyfriend and crush would be there, for about fifteen minutes she and a friend discussed various tactics to distract the ex so she could get a new boyfriend. Though once she got to the party it seemed that her enemy had begun to flirt with her crush and this caused all sorts of drama until it led to the most ridiculous scene ever in which one girl pushed another and she ended up falling into a swimming pool much to my delight, I begin to laugh at the stupid show.

"I haven't heard you laugh like that in years" I turn to see my dad standing behind me smiling

"How long have you been there?" my face turns hard again.

"Since the purple haired one called the girl in the bikini a 'boyfriend stealing skunk'" not long then I think.

The show is over now and the credits have begun to roll, I turn the tele off.

"Breakfast?" I ask him

"Why don't you do that?" dad says

"What?"

"Act, for your talent, by the looks of things it's not too hard and from the way you act in the capitol your good at it"

"I'll ask about it sure" I agree, I'm sure if it's not actually possible it would make a good cover for dad and the districts as I'm sharing my body around the capitol, I shudder again at the thought and again fail to see a way out of it.

We make a big breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs and dad asks me my plans for the day, "I was thinking of going to talk to Silk again" I say.

"Isn't the poor woman getting sick of you?" he asks with a smile, I return it with a frown,

"It's her job" I snap _and anyway_ I think _I haven't got anyone else to talk to_.

Silk isn't in and I don't want to go home so I begin the short walk into town instead. Arriving in town it's getting busy as the day is in full swing for the average district one citizen, market stall holders shout to me as I pass them.

"A new coat Diamond" "Come see my store Diamond" "Anything you want for free" I walk up to a few stores and insist on paying for some sweets. I munch them as I continue to browse market stalls, as the stall holders continue to yell at me. In the first weeks after I returned home I found myself buying so much unneeded stuff in the hopes that it'd help the store holders and share some of my wealth but I've slowed down now, no matter what the Capitol may think, you can have too much stuff.

"Diamond is that you" I hear a yell, oh brilliant another adoring fan I suppose, they'll want an interview or an autograph, I decide to be mean Diamond for a bit.

"What do you want" I snap spinning round to come face to face with Jewel, she is or was in the year above me at school but we have the same birthday as far as I remember which means she must have just turned eighteen.

How long has it been since I saw her I wonder, I used to watch her daily through the chain fence at the training centre, to be honest watching Jewel gave me some of my best moves. Her hair was longer then though, now it's been cut short in an attempt to copy mine which in its own way is weird. But we'd never talked before, beyond the odd excuse me in the small classrooms. You'd have no idea now though as she's wrapped her arms around me and hugged me like a long lost family member.

"How are you darling?" she purrs into my ear, still holding me close.

I wriggle out of her embrace "fine thanks" I reply cooly "how can I help you?"

"Oh" she looks annoyed that her pretence has been ignored "I was just wanting to say hello"

"So you could be seen hanging out with a victor, or because you want some pointless advice on how to win the games" I couldn't be dealing with fake people at home, there's so many of them in the capitol.

She folds her arms in a huff "To be honest Diamond, you looked lonely and I wanted to say hello. It's strange not seeing you watching us at training anymore"

"You knew about that?"

"We're trained to be observant as well as brutal, plus you we're kind of obvious about it. Why didn't you ever join us?"

"Couldn't afford it" I tell her, for once unashamed of my previous poverty.

"Gosh" the training academy isn't much, just a small monthly fee to encourage parents to feel like their little tribute darlings are getting the best training. I hear other districts train you for free, but that's one for you, everything has to be exclusive.

"Look" she says "I'm running some errands for Mom today but seriously I want to hang out"

"Okay" I reply shocked at my own response "I'm going to the capitol for a few days but after that?"

"Oh exciting" she squeaks having no idea of how I was feeling about anything that would come 'after'.

* * *

I don't sleep the next night, my mind couldn't stop thinking over what Jewel had said, did she really want to hang out with me or just be seen with me. Obviously thinking over my trip to the capitol the next day and what that could mean for me dominated my thoughts. I'd have to be strong I think, stronger than I'd been in the games even.

The train ride felt quicker and lonelier than it had ever been before and I was met by a stout lady called Decima who rushed me from the station before I could be recognised. She showed me into a small prep room and I almost felt relieved to be met by my usual three blondes. They chatter away as usual as they shave and wax every corner of my body, puff up my hair and do my make up until.

"Ouch" a needle is jabbed into my arm "What's that for?"

"Oh silly me" the blonde chuckles "I always forget you girls out in the districts don't usually get these, it's your birth control, every capitol girl gets her first shot at sixteen."

"Only one year late won't matter though" adds another reassuringly.

"So what does it do?" I ask

"Oh I couldn't tell you the science stuff, only that there will be no little surprises afterwards" she smiles again, I'm not sure if the three of them really are so clueless or if they are trying to reassure me. Maybe they just hate me, can't wait till I'm used and degraded.

They leave and I'm trapped in the prep room wearing nothing but a paper gown, it's all so clinical and I'm so scared. Before the games I was cocky and over confident, I didn't understand the seriousness of it all. In less than a year I've been dragged into this reality and with no guidance I'm scared I'll do something stupid and they'll hurt dad.

Demica walks into the room about twenty minutes after the blondes had gone, she looked me up and down with judgemental brown eyes adorned with some of the longest lashes I've ever seen.

"You will do as instructed and behave in a way that does not embarrass yourself and your district, do you understand?"

I gulp and nod

"Follow me"

I'm directed into a large bedroom within which is situated a large circle bed, on the bed lays a small piece of fabric with a matching bra. Demica looks me up and down again before leaving.

"Am I supposed to wear this?" I ask the Avox standing in the corner of the room, he nods, before lowering his eyes again, is he going to wait there, watching me. I wriggle into the tiny thong under the paper gown and throw it on the bed before clipping on the bra. The Avox shuffles over and takes the gown from the bed before standing and waiting for something.

"What?" I ask knowing he can't really reply he just lowers his head again, waiting. My stomach turns as I look around the room, is he waiting for him? After a moment there are two chimes like a clock and the Avox vanishes.

I see my soon to be rapist stepping into the room, its Bernard Wellington Masters.


	5. Rebellion

**The Same Night:**

_Trigger warning for forced sexual situations._

* * *

After he'd entered the room he'd just stood by the door for a short while, staring at my body as I try to cover myself with my hands,

"I had to sell one of my Avoxes to afford you tonight Diamond" he tells me as he steps up to the bed and removes his robe, He steps over and strokes my face.

"I'm grateful for that" I reply calmly as I close my eyes to his face, he thinks this normal selling one human being for the chance to abuse another, but we are the playthings of the capitol ours is not to argue. But who says that, why can't we argue, why can't I fight, keeping my eyes squeezed shut I move to reach my hands up to his wobbling neck fat, to destroy this fat, harsh Gamemaker before he can hurt me.

I fling my eyes open to find Bernard is touching himself as he gazes at me, I avert my eyes not out of humility like he probably assumes but because the sight of this thing touching himself like that makes me want to actually puke.

"You are the most beautiful woman in all of Panem my dear" he tells me as he strokes himself through his underwear

"thank you sir" _I will kill you as you sleep tonight_

"Call me Bernard, after all I suspect we'll be seeing a lot more of each other my darling" He moves his hand faster as he stares at my breast, "My darling you're driving me crazy" he reaches out and places his other hand on my face pinching my cheek.

"I can't" I gasp suddenly, pulling myself away from him.

"Oh Diamond of course you can, just leave everything to me" he pushes my shoulders down onto the bed, for such a fat thing he's awful strong, either that or I'm particularly weak tonight, I guess at the latter.

He begins to try and remove the flimsy piece of material I'm wearing as I struggle "I want to kill you" I hiss up at his face but he only laughs

"There's my arena Diamond. All that spark I know you have in there my darling"

"I. Am. Not. Your. Darling!" I gasp in short breaths as I struggle against him "I am Diamond Hart and I won the Hunger Games by defeating more impressive _boys_ than you!" I shove him hard with both hands and he tumbles off the bed.

As he falls the door bursts open and three peacekeepers run into the room, of course they were watching following them is Demica, she looks mad. Bernard stands up and smiles at Demica "Oh Demi, you've got a right one on your hands here" he tells her with a chuckle composing himself rather quickly for a man who just got bested by a seventeen year old girl.

I've realised that I've started to shake, the pride I felt is gone, no one will cheer at my victory here only punishment awaits me.

"Would you like us to deal with her?" Asks Demica

"No, I want to tame this one myself"

"Very well" she bows to Bernard and glares at me "You know where we are" this is aimed at the both of us, and then she leaves us alone.

"What an ugly display that was there Diamond, I don't like to be reminded you're not entirely here under your own will"

"I'm not here under my own will at all" I spit back, "that should be pretty self evident"

"Yet here we are" he says "surely it would be easier for you to let this happen" he raises his eyebrows as if he is actually shocked at my actions here.

"Honestly Bernard" I sigh "It would be easier for you to use one of the straps from that dressing gown you discarded earlier to strangle you to death"

"Guards" he calls and the three peacekeepers charge into the room, I shift my glare from him to them "Do we have some way of restraining her?" the guards nod and advance towards me pulling handcuffs from their belts.

"Wait" I call not wanting to be tied to the bed, to lose my way of strangling this vile man "please don't, I'll do as you say please" I seem to plead to him, Bernard smiles

"Told you I could tame her, you can go now, but leave the cuffs" the peacekeepers leave the cuffs and go back outside.

"I hate you" I tell him as he pulls off his underwear exposing himself to me fully "I will never forget this"

"Well I don't plan on tonight being forgettable Diamond" he tells me as I finally allow him to remove my own inadequate underwear. _One day I will kill you Bernard, but not after I make you suffer worse than you are about to make me._

Afterwards I curled up into a ball on the luscious plush bed with the crumpled sheets and cried. Bernard had left pretty quickly then "Till next time my dear" he said as he'd exited the room.

They'd let me sleep at least and when I awoke I found a smart shirt and pants lay over a chair that had appeared over night, a door had also opened in a bookcase to reveal a bathroom with a deep bath, as I relax in the warm embracing water I realised I hadn't had a nightmare that night.

Maybe that's because reality had become so hellish.

Moments after I was clean and dressed Demica re-appears "Come along then" she tells me and I follow her in silence. We walk to a car and she lets me climb in, "I don't know why but there allowing you a shopping trip before you go home, personally I'd have you shipped back to one before you have a chance to embarrass yourself further. I'll see you again Diamond" she slams the door in my face and the car sets off.

I look out of the window of the cab as we move through the traffic of another morning in the capitol, people promenade the streets with little rush or reason. There's a barbecue going on in one of the parks as kids run around and play with swords. One woman notices me gazing out of the cab window and screams my name, I sink onto the seat.

We pull up to mall and the cab driver tells the cabs not pre-paid this time.

"Figures" I mutter as I scan my thumb print, _I guess only good little whores get free taxi's._

The cab driver leaves me at the main door to the mall, people rush past me as I stand there.

"Hey Persephonie, isn't that Diamond Hart?" calls a boys voice

"Oh my Panem it sure is" shrieks his companion, I rush into the mall, what do I do now?

"Diamond?"

"Silk!" the sight of my mentors never made me so happy, Silk will make everything okay again won't she?

"Oh Diamond I'm so sorry" she wraps her arms around me "I didn't know till it was too late, I got the earliest train"

"You told me it would happen"

"But this soon? Look we should go somewhere to talk"

"Home?"

"Not yet, here's safer" she takes my hand and leads me through the crowd we head to the far end of the mall and into a large department store. The place is filled with what feels like the majority of the capitols women, trying on shoes, looking at bags and jewellery and browsing hundreds or racks of clothes. Silk leads me to a rack in the middle, nothing exciting just some jumpers.

"You'll needs something warm for your victory tour" she tells me loudly, "I just adore this designer don't you?"

"Yeah I suppose"

"You should try this on" she shoves a jumper into my hand, "third cubical on the left" she whispers in my ear "over there" she points to the changing room.

I take the jumper over to the changing room and seeing no shop assistant head over to the third cubical on the left, I swing open the curtain.

"Diamond I thought I'd find you here" I recognise the speaker, most of the country would I'm being addressed by Maggie Sedna winner of the tenth hunger games here in this changing room in the capitol.

"I'm sorry" I reply blinking towards her "How can I help you Miss Sedna"

"I heard you didn't have such a good night last night"

"Yeah, I suppose, look I don't want a lecture on my behavior last night, I want to go home."

"Not a lecture, Diamond, an idea I want to share that's all"


	6. Acceptance

I'm thinking over Maggie's proposal for a good few months, knowing never to reveal what she said to me not even to Silk, "How'd you like it?" Silk had asked as I'd left the dressing room.

"I'll sleep on it" I tell her as I return the jumper to the rail. How was I to know if it was a ruse, a trap, a cruel prank they'd play on new victors?

I slept again on the short train ride home, laid out on one of the couches in the drinks car, I'd dreamt about the games again but this time instead of the faces of my fellow tributes I just kept running into Maggie as she swung her fishing line, the survival technique and deadly weapon she'd used to win the games, in my face. "Think about it Diamond" she taunted "think about how you'll be free"

That was what Maggie offered, freedom from the life I'd only recently been plunged into, give me little chance to think for myself, take a scared new victor and force her to decide, the capitol or them. She offered so many things in that short meeting, leaving one word unspoken not once referring to what she truly spoke of, rebellion.

Over the next few days I avoid human contact as much as possible but eventually I feel the need to keep my promise to meet with Jewel once I'd returned home and as expected she's full of questions, she starts to try and ask me about the games;

"But what's it really like in there? I need to know everything"

"No, no you don't" I reply "if you knew, if you only knew you'd never look at me the same again"

She remained quiet for a moment before speaking again "The Capitol then, what's it really like?"

I snort with laughter "it's even scarier than the games" I pause thinking "but then again it's exciting and thrilling and different, so many things"

"I'd love to go one day" she sighs "see the sights, the fashion, the people. I'd die happy then"

_Yeah as the tribute from district two slices your limbs off one by one to give them a good show _I think cynically, that's the only way Jewel will see the Capitol and she's no Silk, I have a feeling if she went into the games next year there's no way she'd come back home.

Instead I shoot her a smile, "Maybe I'll see if I can bring you back a present, next time I go"

"That would be amaze-a-balls" she grins "I bet you can't wait to go back"

**Mid-October the year of the 39****th**** games: **

The Capitol is a familiar but terrifying sight as I exit the train Demica is waiting for me, clip board in hand. She looked just as irritated at my presence as she had the other five times I'd visited the Capitol after my first time. She doesn't like to see the clients unhappy and I'm getting awfully good at that.

"Hello Diamond" she doesn't like me, not at all. I pull a pill out of my bag and take it in front of her, I love to see the shock on her face.

"Hello Demi" I reply with a smirk, she just rolls her eyes and points me to a room.

The capitol have some strange tastes, I discovered this the second time they brought me here to pleasure its citizens, that time I was here two nights, the first night I'd met the twins from my party again, Castor and Polux, they'd given me some pills which made me all giddy and happy, I'd been taking them ever since. I'd found when I was on them there was no need for the sleeping ones, Vita had been very impressed with my improvement. The twins liked to share me; sometimes they'd both have me at once, other times they took turns. My second night had been Bernard again and again I'd fought him, but I'd let him catch me giggling at his touch, the twins pills coursing through my body.

I'd had more trips to the capitol, more nights with Bernard and the twins and other, even one with the husband and wife with the baby I'd met at my party, they'd called her Diamond he'd told me as he'd watched me and his wife together. Yes the Capitol has some strange tastes.

I never know whose going to walk through the door once I changed into my outfit and took a couple of the twins pills, trying to stifle my giggles as I waited.

I don't get back to Maggie about her proposal and neither she nor Silk mention that day in the mall. Maybe it was all a test, a test I'd guessed I'd passed.

Yes I was beginning to enjoy this victor lark.

**Late November year of the 39****th**** games:**

This time I'm prepared for them, I did my nails myself last night and wake up good and early to wash my hair and take a couple of my 'chill pills' as I'd dubbed them. I'm letting my hair air dry when they burst through the door and look almost disappointed that they didn't have a chance to wake me up.

"So what's the plan for today" I ask my stylists with a grin, feeling the familiar drugs flow through my body giving everything a calming feeling.

"Clothes first, then on to the train to twelve" Starr formally known as blonde two tells me, I made a point to ask Silk their names at some point in the last few months and made sure I remembered them.

"Tigris is waiting on the train, we just need to get you into something for the cameras and then we have a long journey ahead of us" adds Lush

"Perfect" I reply dropping the towel I had wrapped round me on the floor and giving them a view of my naked body, I walk over to my draws and pull out a matching set of underwear which I wriggle on as the three of them search through my wardrobe finally deciding on one of the dresses I'd brought back from the capitol after my birthday party.

"Wasn't that a present?" I ask them, my wardrobe is beginning to overflow with clothes I only wear when I'm visiting the capitol or being paraded out in front of cameras. Usually I just wear trousers and shirts, with the odd jumper if it's cold.

"Don't you like it" asks Lilac and for a split second I'm not sure if she got it me.

"No its lovely, I think I'll wear it today add a bit of brightness to the gray sky"

I slip the striped turquoise and royal blue dress on and a pair of blue slip on shoes; "All done" I say with a smile "shall we go?"

I remember to grab my handbag which holds nothing but my pills and my toothbrush and say a quick goodbye to dad as I step out to greet my adoring public. After only a few months of capitol visits I'm getting the hang of this. Today will be different though, I'm not heading straight to the capitol I'm going via the districts.

My victory tour has begun.

District Twelve is the first stop, after a night of travelling at top speed we pull up into the small gritty station and I step out in my coal black, lace dress to see the crowd staring back up at me. Twelve have only had one victor Troy, everyone knows his story, the whole nation watched as they chopped off his head. I, Daphne and Silk are greeted by their mayor and led into a car. We rumble down a rough dirt path which I take to be their excuse for a road and pull up outside their town hall. Architecturally it's the same as in one but it looks less cared for, in the years it's been standing I can tell it's not been repainted and the inside is pretty out of date, thought still nicer than outside.

I'd always assumed the lives of the coal miners weren't much different to mine and my father's, but stood on the stage looking down at the tired faces and skinny children of the miners of the district and the families of the two dead tributes with their weeping children, I realise that couldn't be further from the truth, the moment we leave twelve is a relief.

Over the next few days I become very aware of the privileges I've had growing up in one, not just in the games but in everyday life too. We pass through the thickly wired compound of district eleven and spend our time there surrounded by guards to protect us. In ten and nine the large expanses of farm land separate the citizens and they seem to lead lonely lives in amongst their animals and grains. Eight is a large expanse of factory buildings and apartment complexes yet seven is a maze of wood land and small wood cabins.

In six I can't help but notice the large cranes that load and unload the many trains in its expansive rail yard, we've passed through six several times on our way around Panem and I'm nervous to finally stop. Standing down in the crowd on the usual podiums are the families of the tributes; the boys family are a typical looking lot with a Mom, Dad and two little girls tightly holding onto each other and looking up at me as if I were about to slaughter them both. But it is Aston's family who haunt me, a woman stood next to a man in a wheel chair, she grips onto his shoulder tightly as he glares up at me.

"Your tributes fought well" I speak the speech that was given to me "I and the capitol thank your families for their sacrifices" The words are so ingrained in me already that I don't have to think only speak them. _I'm sorry your daughter's life ended because of me_ I think staring down at the couple, my gaze to them probably appears threatening or boastful but I'm too scared to move it.

As the crowd applaud carefully, Silk steps up behind me and places her hands on my shoulders "come on dear" she whispers into my ear as I'm led off the stage making sure to take a pill as I do. I spend the rest of the evening in the mayors house, trying to make small talk with their only victor Casey.

District five flies by without incident but in four I'm forced to come face to face with my fellow victor Ula, Ermin's mother. She is hard to miss being pretty darn pregnant and all, she's stood talking to some other victors who are mingling at the event;

"I'm sorry about your son" I mutter to her though I had no part in his death,

"Not your fault dear" she sighs "not your fault".

District three and two were also uneventful, district two seemed happy enough to see me though I'd bested Ryker at the end.

"The best woman won" chortled their mayor as he'd slapped me on the back as the crowd roared, at the party I caught Silk and Rock sneaking off to a back room arm in arm. I didn't ask.

As the train pulls back into one I take another pill, not many left, I hope I'll get to meet up with the twins again once I'm in the capitol, they always have plenty for me.

They've stood them all on the same platform as no-one is sure of the etiquette. Mother and Daddy are separated by Clos' father. He looks so mad I keep myself alert as I make my victory speech to the cheering crowd and express how brave and strong my half-brother was in the arena.

By the time the train rolls into the Capitol and I'm greeted by the cheering crowds I'm exhausted. I'm given little time to relax before being ushered to my next engagement.

Three days later I finally return home, I'm exhausted and feel dirty after more nights spent with strangers. But the look of glee on Jewels face as I pass her the gift I bought her seems to instantly cheer me up;

"I love it" she grins as she holds out the glittery teal dress, it's decorated with black lines giving the appearance of broken glass.

"It's all the rage in the Capitol at the moment" I tell her "They say the broken glass looks like Diamonds"

"It's alright for some" she chuckles, "I think I'll wear it for the reaping this year, so I can be fashionable for the cameras"

_Some people never listen._

* * *

**A/N: **I'd just like to say thanks to anyone whose read this far, this story is a bit of an indulgence of mine and I know it may seem a bit slow or confusing at the moment but I really want it to be perfect and don't want to rush out a quick story line. Also doubly thanks to anyone whose reviewed, faved or followed seeing those notification emails in my inbox really make my day.


	7. Truths

**A/N: hi guys sorry for the slow update, I decided to have a go at NANOWRIMO this month, long story short that didn't work. Anyway here's the next chapter of Diamonds story, I know a few of you wanted to see her mentor but I don't see that happening straight away in District one. Please be patient and not too mad, but most of all enjoy :)**

**Fourtieth Games:**

I stood at the back of the stage with the other victors as the mentors volunteered, they make a big deal for the cameras but we decide weeks in advance, this year its Brandi and Calix. Every victor is required to mentor at least once, in district one this usually happens two years after their games, in order to give them time to recover. If the mentor takes to the job then they may do it as many times if they wish. If not well there are always plenty of other victors to take their place. Next year will be my turn, it's expected of me to mentor at least once and I'm terrified but I don't let it show after all I've got time to prepare.

Once the mentors have volunteered and the tributes reaped then the games can begin.

Jewel didn't get the chance to volunteer for the games, not that she didn't try, but her dress was a bit too restrictive for running and one of her classmates got to the stage first. They were both strong candidates, pretty and deadly but that didn't help them when the boy from three Beetee activated his trap. Smart kid I think as I watch his interview from home, but not much of a looker, the Capitol will grow bored of him soon. I on the other hand know my place as the victor of the moment is secure, this pleases me more than it would have done even a few months earlier.

Back in one Jewel hated herself for not getting the chance, her parents shocked by the shame she'd brought on them eventually threw her out of her home and she'd come knocking at my place late one evening shortly after the end of the games;

"I'm sorry Diamond, I didn't know where to go" she'd sobbed, shivering despite the heat of the evening.

Dad had allowed it and she'd come to live with us, taking one of the many spare rooms. That first night we'd sat around the formal dining table for a change as Dad made awkward small talk with Jewel.

"Diamonds off to the capitol again soon aren't you?" he says, reminding me of a trip I was trying to forget, Demi had mentioned some new client with certain tastes that didn't sound to fun.

"Yea day after tomorrow" I mutter in reply,

"What do you do there all the time?" asks Jewel perking up, she asks me questions all the time about the Capitol, but this is un-surprisingly the first time she'd asked me what I do there.

"I entertain the capitol" I say, keep it simple.

"Diamonds an actress" my Dad cuts in, ah such a simple lie, to my credit I had asked about the acting thing but Demi had only laughed telling me that I'd be far too busy for any of that nonsense.

"Sure am" I reply with a grin.

"Oh what are you in? I've never seen you." _Now she's getting nosey _I think, ugh my brain is all over the place tonight, I think of the pills in my bottom draw I could really do with one right now.

"I'm exclusive to the Capitol audience right now, doubt they'll ever let me expand" I explain quickly before excusing myself.

After slipping into my room and taking two pills my mind feels clearer and happier, all the drama and emotion had messed me up for a bit there but now I was ready to face them again. There are more nosey questions over dinner as to what I'm acting in at the moment and my fellow stars, the lies flow easily though and I start to build up a good picture of what 'actress Diamond' does with her time in the bright city.

I almost forget my reality as I travel down on the train, Demi reminds me of it as usual though;

"Tonight's client has certain needs that I know you should be happy to meet"

"I'll see how I feel" I taunt "I may have a bit of a moment"

She just rolls her eyes at me and leads me to the usual place.

It took three pills to calm my mind that night after, after the man. I never asked his name simply calling him sir as he requested.

"You did good last night" Demi says stroking my hand the next morning, it's the first time she's ever complimented my work, I didn't think there was much that could shake that cool persona of hers but something managed it.

"I'd like to go home now please" I mutter.

On the train I dream again, this time it's Jewel, but it's not she's also Demi and she's laughing at me, she's calling me all these name, telling me what I already know, I'm a whore, a slut, I enjoy it really. I wake up as the train pulls into one shivering and hating myself as usual.

As much as I try to hide it people notice that I'm becoming more withdrawn and quieter over the next few weeks. I spend less time pestering Silk and other mentors and less time outside my house, Jewel gets herself a job in a wig factory dying the artificial hair all different colours before its assembled, she comes back with orange hands and her usual rant on the unfairness of the system.

"I gave my childhood to that training centre, the least they could do is give me a job in return, I'm one of the best knife throwers in my class, climbing, agility. I aced all the classes it's only because of that dead bitch that I didn't get to win the games." She paces up and down my living space as I grip my head from all the noise she's making "I mean no offence Diamond but how hard could it be for them to let me teach there. You victors are always off doing other things anyway. I bet it's my parent I bet they spoke to Paris or Hale or somebody and now they've banned me from that place. I gave my childhood to that training centre." And on and on she rants.

I would feel for Jewel if I didn't know the truth, they don't need her at that centre because there are hundreds of girls like her. The districts full of natural and not so natural beauties with a deadly knowledge and the thirst to train others for the games. As much as she may think it Jewel isn't unique, none of us are. She eventually calms down enough to help me prepare dinner and scrub the orange off her hands.

"Maybe I'll stick at this job for a bit, learn the trade more" she ponders aloud as she cuts some vegetables "maybe I can become a wig designer, everyone needs wigs right?"

I smile and nod, wondering if I could find a moment to sneak another pill before we eat. My head feels heavy and serious, I'm starting to see flashes of blood and swamp. I waver slightly and have to grip onto the counter to stay upright.

"Diamond" I hear dad calling me from the hallway and force myself straight again, I can fight this for his sake I know I can. I leave Jewel in the kitchen and find him stood at the doorway to the house, he bends down to untie his work boots and I see someone stood behind him;

"Diamond, how lovely to see you" smiles Daria she tiptoes around my father and invites herself in; she looks at me and frowns "Is there somewhere private we can speak dear?"

"I suppose" I smile at dad who is looking at me with a concerned expression and lead her to the study, she takes a seat and looks up at me as I hover by the door. _Something's not right_ I decide.

"How are you feeling dear?" she asks as she crosses her legs.

I shrug "fine, happy how are you"

"We're worried about you Diamond."

"So we're skipping the formalities then?" I smirk at her leaning against the doorway.

"Just pass me the pills Diamond" she replies her voice clipped and formal.

I scowl "I don't know what you mean"

"Yes you do", she stands up and steps towards me, she may be about three inches shorter than me but she still manages to tower over me. "We've all been there Diamond, looking for a way to escape. Heck some of us have lost our battles. But you your young, you have potential."

"Potential to lie on my back and do as I'm told" I hiss shutting the door on us "why do you want to deny me the one thing that's making this whole thing bearable"

"Because, you are a strong woman now, you don't need help to survive this period of your life. It will get better" she rests her hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes, I feel so patronized, she doesn't know me.

"No screw you. I'm in control" I wriggle out of her hands, "I know what I'm doing and so what if I need a little boost to stop myself snapping the neck of the next puffed and perfumed capitol man who asks me to suck his.."

"Diamond!" Daria snaps holding my shoulders again, she pulls me around and forces me to sit on the chair she was just in, "Do you not think I've heard the excuses before" she scolds.

"But.." I interject

"No! You listen to me child and you listen good" she glares at me and I shrink into the chair, my hands beginning to shake and all I can think about is that little jar of pills in my room.

"Ouch" Daria had just slapped me on the cheek "what the hell"

"Focus girl" she says "you need to snap this habit of your before it breaks you. You're young, you're strong. I've dealt with others in your situation before and I've not failed once. Now where do you keep your pills?"

"None of your ... ouch" I get another slap.

We're being pretty loud right now and I couldn't figure out why no one was rushing to my aid, where was dad and Jewel.

"no ones coming to save you Diamond" she sneers and I am reminded once again that my sweet old neighbour is a murderer like the rest of us, she was trained for this. To her maybe I am just a stupid child.

"Dad!" I scream, but there's no reply.

"Your father knows something is wrong with you dear" she says her voice softening slightly "he told me to do anything in my power; we're all worried about you"

I lower my face from her glare and struggle to think of a way out of it, my one escape mechanism is now a negative thing to them. They say I should struggle and fight every day to stay sane; I should just do as everyone says. Well no that's not for me, I'm Diamond Hart I'm a fighter and I'll fight them every step of the way and come out on top. I know that what I say next will be crucial.

"If I tell you where the drugs are will you help me?" I ask carefully.

"With what?" she probes; she's not going to trust me straight away is she?

"I'm tired" I tell her "I'm tired of the capitol and their games" I let a tear seep out for effect.

"It's part of your life now" she explains "you need to ba able to take what they do to you with out the artificial help."

"No" I say shaking my head "No I can't not anymore, there must be a way to ..." I pause what I'm thinking is so wrong, but what else can I do now "Stop them"

"Things like that take time Diamond" she answers eventually "give me the drugs and we'll talk later, depending of course you keep off them"

I nod and stand up leading her up stairs to my room, I open the bottom draw and take out a small pot, I shake it to indicate it's still mostly full.

"just take them" I sigh "there not worth the trouble" I toss the pot into her hand "I'll still want your help though"

"Time Diamond, give it time" she replies before leaving my pills in hand. I think ahead to my next engagement with the twins, I'm sure I can make it two more days without the pills. Until then of course there's always the small collection at the bottom of my draws, I dig one out and take it before collapsing on my bed, I'll just have to get better at hiding them I suppose.


	8. Games

**The year of the Forty First games:**

The year goes by quickly with very little change to my schedule. I go to the capitol I meet my clients and sometimes they reward me with pills or other little luxuries. At first I never do more than I have to for them; I keep in my head that I despise every one of them. Yet as the year drags on I find myself beginning smile around them, sometimes even forgetting who I truly am to them. All this time they act and play at being the only man or woman for me, pretending not to know the truth and I believe them, the effort it take to fight them has become too much.

Sometimes it feels like I spend more time in the capitol than at home and that I'm losing my dad to Jewel. She's always there you see, cooking his meals and keeping him company while I'm out partying and sleeping around like they expect me to. Soon I feel he will forget me and I know I'll need more than a few pills to stop the pain from that. But Panem doesn't care about how I feel or what I want and soon it's time for another hunger games and this time it's my turn to mentor.

I stand on the stage and look down at the sea of faces bellow me; two of them will soon be joining me up here before we go to the capitol for the games. Again I am thankful for being born in a career district, it gave me and the children bellow me hope and a chance to be replaced if we are reaped. Of course I was stupid and reckless back then, I've since learned that lesson, I do as I'm told now.

Daphne stands between myself and Paris; who will be mentoring the male tribute, he's sober for a change and wearing his trainer suit from the centre. I still haven't been invited there; it's always been a bit of a boys club though. Anyway I'm always busy going to and from the capitol to meet with clients, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

Daphne reaches into the girls bowl first and I feel my stomach tense up, which is stupid of me, I'm not going to be chosen.

"Sapphire Hall" she calls and a girl strides up confidently from the eighteen year olds, the section I'd still be waiting in now, I study the girl for a moment. She's smaller than me as most girls are, with medium length curly brown hair pulled into a loose ponytail; I notice a smattering of freckles along her nose. She's dressed smartly but not too extravagantly in a slim fitting navy dress accessorised with a broach adorned with a sapphire.

"Do you wish to be replaced?" asks Daphne and the girl shakes her head.

"I'm ready for this" The crowd cheers.

"To the boys then" Daphne moves over to the male ball "Onyx Hall" a boy from emerges from the thirteen year old section as Sapphire gasps in shock. The boy must be her brother, how rare, they must have a large family, or a very poor one.

"Do you wish to be replaced?" Daphne repeats the question she asked Sapphire.

"Yes please, my sister will win this for my family" the boy speaks clearly and calmly.

"I volunteer" call several voices as a group of eighteen year olds race to the front, I recognise the winner.

"Tiger Grant" announces the boy shaking hands with Onyx who runs back down the steps. Tiger stood on these steps two years ago, as Clos replaced him in the games. Tiger owes his life to Clos and now he's going to fight too. Tiger looks much the same as he did back then, with a muscular frame and scruffy dusty blond hair. The crowd seem to love him as they cheer much louder than for Sapphire.

* * *

The two tributes stare at me as we sit on the train to the capitol, to me it's just another journey to the city but for them every inch we get towards the capitol is another inch further that they have ever travelled from home. Paris has wandered off probably in search of free bubbly leaving me alone with the tributes.

"I was a massive fan of you during your games" Tiger tells me, I know he's lying but I humour him.

"Thank you"

"What's the capitol like?" Sapphire cuts in,

"urm well it's big, you might feel a bit scared at first"

"I'm never scared" scoffs Tiger "they train us not to feel fear at the centre" my none attendance of his precious training centre is implied.

"If you think like that you'll die, you'll need your fear in the games it keeps you moving" I tell them

Sapphire nods, looking like she's actually taking in my comment Tiger looks less sure.

"I can see that" she says "You have to keep alert to win."

"Where's Paris?" Asks Tiger

"Gone to get drunk I suppose" I tell him, "but if you'd rather talk to him I'd say he's only in the next car down the train"

"I'll see you both later" he mutters before leaving, I guess I wasn't all he expected.

"What's your angle then?" I ask Sapphire, I may as well try to help this girl survive.

"My looks" the girl shrugs like it's the most obvious answer. I'm not sure what else I was expecting her to say really. She's a pretty standard district one tribute and as history tells us they tend to die.

"But what's your angle?" I ask again "What makes you different from all the other girls that go into the games?"

"I'm going to win" she smirks.

I raise my arms in defeat and stand up "come to me when you're ready to take this seriously." At this I storm out of the carriage in disgust. I know I have to be here but if she doesn't care then why should I? I find my way to an empty carriage and throw myself on a large plush sofa with a sigh, why is the girl being so difficult!

I reach over and find a bell to summon an Avox to me, the tall man strides into the room and looks at me waiting for my order.

"Champaign and fetch me my handbag from my room" the man bows and vanishes.

I used to be disgusted at the idea of Avoxes, they are human after all but it has to be said it's useful to have someone to order around. The man appears again quickly and passes me a glass of bubbly and my bag. I take them from him and he disappears again, I wonder what he said to get him in trouble like this.

After he leaves I rummage in the bottom of my handbag removing a corner of its lining and pull out a strip of pills. I pop one out of the packet and toss it down my throat, washing it down with half the glass of bubbly before hiding the pills again. The relief I feel is instant and I cement it with the rest of the Champaign, now I feel good I feel ready to face the capitol and send this girl to her death.

"Hiding from your tribute" the voice comes as a shock as I notice Daphne stood by the door, how long has she been there?

"I suppose" I reply

Daphne chuckles and steps into the room "I remember a girl only two years ago who made her mentor so mad she almost quit"

"Silk?"

"Didn't she tell you?" Daphne laughs sitting next to me, she notices my empty glass but doesn't mention it "Don't you remember all those things you said?"

"Not really, though I do recall slamming my door and screaming into my pillow"

She chuckles "yea, my ears still ring remembering that scream"

"But I was over confident and stupid then, Just a kid. Sapphires eighteen, my age now!"

"Yet still a kid compared to you Diamond, still untested. Think about it." And with that she leaves, I ponder what she said. She may appear a bit of a capitol bimbo but she's been doing this job a while now; I guess she's seen it all. I suppress another almighty scream and buzz for the Avox, he may as well bring me the bottle this time.

* * *

As the tributes are primed and waxed and dressed for the parade I go with Paris to discuss our tributes angles with Tigris who as usual has requested to work alone.

"Diamond darling, how you've grown" She grins kissing me on the cheek, "and you Paris, still a fine man" I catch a small blush on Paris' cheeks.

"Tiger wants to show some animal instincts" he tells her "not a farmer like ten but wild and unruly to match his name"

"A boy after my own heart!" I have just the suit for him, "And the girl"

"Sapphires going for sexy" I tell Tigris, "so do whatever with her" I wave my hand in dismissal.

Tigris only grins before shooing us out of her studio,

"Well we may as well get a drink before the big show" Paris smiles and I follow him to the bar.

The tributes look spectacular as the roll into the parade; Tigris has done a brilliant job in such short notice. Tiger is wearing blue tiger stripe underwear with a sash over one shoulder and Sapphire the shortest dress I have seen in a while made from the same material. Closer inspection shows me that each of the blue items is shining from being studded with hundreds of Sapphire jewels both tributes wear feathery headdresses also blue. I notice the boy from two's eyes never leaving Sapphires behind for the entire parade.

"I never want to take this off" screeches Sapphire as we reach our apartment floor "and did you see the boy from two, what a hunk, it's a shame I'll have to kill him though."

"Just get a good night's sleep guys" laughs Paris "You'll need as much energy as you can get for the training centre tomorrow"

"Yes Sir" replies Tiger saluting Paris and heading off to bed Sapphire also salutes her trainer and heads to her own room. I raise my eyebrows at Paris;

"So that's what it looks like when someone respects you"

"That's what it looks like when they want you to like them so you'll help them win" he replies "You got a job tonight?"

"No"

"Good, let's go get a drink"

The bar is packed as Paris and I enter, he passes through the crowds though to a back room where the man on the door lets us through easily. This room is smaller but mostly empty and Paris goes to sit in a booth seat with his own table.

"Paris darling" squeals a lady and slides over to join him she strokes his face and gazes into his eyes "I've missed you baby" she purrs

"Suada darling" he tells her "we have company tonight"

"Who?" She looks up her eyes filtering excitedly around the room it takes her a moment to notice me in my slim black dress. "Diamond Hart, as I live and breathe. I never thought I'd see a girl like you in a joint like this"

"Paris invited me" I reply carefully,

"Indeed I did" grins Paris, "thought I'd show you the darker side of the shining capitol"

I chuckle "I think I'm getting well versed in that at the moment" I decide to join them sitting down at the table as a waitress brings us over glasses and a familiar bottle.

"On the house as usual Paris" she smiles leaving it for us.

We help ourselves to the drink in a stony silence before Suada talks again "So Paris, Diamond, tell me all about your tributes this year"

"Well I don't want to speak too soon, but I think we have a victor in Tiger, how do you feel Diamond?"

The intentions of this meeting become clear and I put on my best game face "Oh I don't know I think Sapphire might give him a run for his money, beauty and smarts"

"That bimbo smart?!" the laugh comes from the doorway and I look up to see Thor and Terra, this year's district two mentors, Thor is about ten years older than me, his massive muscles shown off by a sleeveless vest top and tight black jeans, the women in the bar can't keep their eyes off him. Terra is Paris' age and I'm aware that the two of them have had history if idle gossip is to be believed.

"What have you got to offer us then Terra?" Asks Paris

"Mason, built like a slab of stone, he's strong and deadly and Cassie can kill your tributes in any of a hundred different ways."

"Not very clever though I'm betting" The reply comes from my mouth as quite a shock.

"Little Diamond still has bite then" taunts Thor,

"Oh you have no idea" the rest of the bar is watching this show now, the sparkle in Thor's eye tells me he knows this too and if this little confrontation is another of their tests I'll make sure I'm going to pass.

"You know little Diamond, first year victors never bring back a tribute alive and Paris how many have you ever brought back?" Terra asks smirking at Paris.

"Been saving my effort on the worthwhile ones; Tiger for instance" he replies stretching out and wrapping his arm around Suada, "Now that's the name of a victor; Cassie, Mason don't make me laugh."

"We shall see if your style beats our substance in the arena then" Terra smiles before she and Thor retreat to the other side of the bar, they are soon followed by a collection of capitolites singing the praises of district two as our own table is swamped with those pledging to sponsor our tributes.

"Like shooting fish in a barrel" Paris whispers to me later as we leave the club, still attached to Suada.

* * *

"So is the alliance sorted, are we good to fraternise today?" Tiger asks that morning.

"uhuh" Paris replies as he continues tucking into his breakfast.

"We sorted it last night" I tell the two kids "so knock yourselves out"

After giving the two of them a few tips on the training centre, we send them down in the lift and today's real work can begin.

"I'm going to cover the west street places today, could you do a couple of places over on Ivy Street."

"Do what?"

"Whatever you want my darling; shop, drink, party, fuck. Just remember to sing the virtues of district one as you do"

"I guess I can do that" I reply.

"good good" he tells me "though I'd suggest you start with shopping, that dress is far too dowdy for Ivy Street bars" he says referring to my open backed teal and gold gown.

I do indeed take his advice I jump in a cab and take myself around every high-end place I can find, buying and buying and buying until I'm sure I must have over a month's worth of my prize money. In every place I go though I talk and talk of our tributes. Of how Tiger volunteered to save the life of Sapphires little brother, of how Sapphire is one of the most beautiful girls of our district, how she's the fastest, how he's the strongest, how the two of them are winners. It eventually gets to the point where I'm not even sure if I'm telling the truth anymore.

That evening I return to the tribute centre exhausted but I keep going as the two tributes discuss their strategies with us or in Sapphires case discuss Mason.

"He's perfect for me to use" she tells me "strong and protecting plus he's so smitten it's almost cute"

That's how the next three days go, the tributes train and plot and forge alliances, while Paris and I use our influence to separate the capitol from their money.

By the time the interviews roll around, I'm sure that the vast majority of the capitol already know more about our tributes than they know about themselves and after two high scores of nine and two strong interviews the two of them are ready to go into the arena.

* * *

Tiger dies on the ninth day of the games; a large scorpion mutt twice the size of him sliced his head off with its sharp pincers. The capitol was annoyed as he'd been a favourite to win, Paris drunk himself into a stupor that night. I continued to sit and watch Sapphire flirt with Mason.

Sapphires death comes on the fifteenth day of the games, she was one of the final four when Mason killed her in her sleep, they were the final two careers. Mason went on to kill the other two remaining tributes and win the games.

I was in bed with a client when it happened; the man had not been particularly up for the task the night before and was now in the deepest sleep I'd ever seen. I watch the footage from the night before being repeated on the screen placed in front of his bed, the sound was off so I couldn't hear her final cries of death, but I could see as the commentators laughed and smiled and seemed to be making one big joke about it.

Mason's interview was excruciating to watch, the boy had no class and grinned and cheered as they re-played his every kill.

"What did you really think of Sapphire" they asked him.

"She was a silly little whore who was never going to win" ouch, that word hurt more than it should have.

That night I was in Castor and Polluxes house again, as usual they were happy to share me and afterwards we lay together and spoke of inane topics as they passed me drug after drug that relaxed my mind and let me forget everything that troubled me.


	9. Endings

The mood is sombre as I return home, as usual we have no formal way of saying goodbye to loosing tributes, they are simply buried and forgotten. One late summers day I go to visit them, it's a warm day but I shiver as I enter the graveyard. Over at the far end is where our tributes lay, individual graves are unmarked but there is a bench overlooking the designated area which is marked by a large stone marker engraved with the capitol seal and the phrase;

"Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori"

It's written in that ancient language the capitol love so much and as far as I'm aware it enthuses on the properness of dying for ones country, a strange sentiment but the message is the one the capitol want to send to us. That the games are exciting and an honour, no matter what place you come.

I sit on the bench and look at the plaque, it's scratched but its clean the ground around it is weeded and clean. Maybe the people of this district do care, moving closer I see that the scratching aren't random its names. 'Sunny, Vesta, Gold, Num, Lux, Autha, Precious, Eros, Aux, Opal, Clos.' Names I don't remember and one that I do. Someone has carefully and secretly carved these names on this stone, I see near the bottom the letters 'Tig' the beginnings of Tigers name. I reach out and trace them with my fingers and am brought to tears.

I sit there sobbing with a hand lent upon the cold stone for a while before I am disrupted, my survival instincts turn on and I become very aware that there is someone else in this place of death with me.

"Mrs Gardner?" it asks carefully, I gasp, is she here? Why would she be here? My eyes flick to that name again; 'Clos'. Of course, I wonder if her husband knows. _I have to get out of_ here I think, _she can't see me_.

I keep my head low and stand turning to leave I don't see the silhouette of a woman waiting for me though, it's a man, he seems pretty old and is stopped over, he raises his head though and looks at me.

"I beg your pardon miss" he says "my eye sights not so good, I thought you were someone else"

"It's no worry" I reply "I was just leaving" I hurry past him and towards the gate.

I run from the cemetery and am almost home before I wonder what the old man was doing there, was he the one who carves the names? Does he know my mother? Did he think I was her?

* * *

Silk brings the next shock only days later, she meets me away from victors village down by the training centre, there's a little hut there where they keep the broken weapons until they can be shipped to two to be repaired. It's completely out of the way and I can tell what she has to say is going to be important.

"Diamond, we're friends right, I can trust you" she looks much younger than her late twenties, like a scared child being reaped for the games.

"Sure you can, what's wrong?" I ask, something must be very wrong for her to come to me like this can she really not trust anyone else?

"Diamond I'm pregnant" she whispers to me before looking nervously around the room.

"Congra..." I begin before realising this doesn't seem to be good news "I thought us victors are urm..." I remember the shot they gave me years ago, to ensure I didn't have any little surprises.

"Not able to get pregnant until they want us too. Yes but I am"

"Whose is it?" I ask scared of the answer, some nameless capitol client no doubt. Some man with a wife and family who would deny ever being with her.

"It's Roland's" she tells me "I know it is, I haven't been with another since I last saw him. I can't get word to him though and I need your help"

"How can I get word to him" I ask "we can't get messages between the districts."

"In two months time there's going to be a party in Mason's honour, you will be invited but I know I won't. All I need is for you to pass a message to him there"

"I'll do my best" I promise and she passes me a small envelope which I slip into my bra, it fits comfortably. We stand there for a moment as she holds my hands she exhales deeply and smiles at me.

"You're a strange one Diamond" she says "I thought you'd be a handful but you aren't at all. It's like you're not the same girl who was in that arena sometimes"

"Are you?" I ask kindly "Would the Silk who seduced her way to the victors crown risk everything for one man?"

"I don't think she would" she replies with a smile "as the Diamond who took out three tributes in the bloodbath wouldn't be standing here now willing to help me as a friend" She wraps her arms around me "thank you" she whispers.

* * *

I return home to find that Jewel and Dad have already eaten dinner, Dad had gone out for a bit so I was left alone with Jewel. She makes me a sandwich as she apologises for not leaving me any food.

"It's no worry" I tell her "I got held up"

I watch her busy around the kitchen and notice how at ease she looks in my house, I still see this place as belonging to the capitol I'm just borrowing it. That little ramshackle hut down by the mines that's been taken over by another family, that's home. Suddenly I'm overcome with jealously, why does she have it so easy when every day for me if filled with confusion and uncertainty? She works a simple job and has few worries as I'm paying for all her food and house. She doesn't even pay me any rent!

"When you moving out then?"

"Urm well there's not that many new homes opening up. But I mean to go ask at the justice building again tomorrow though."

"What about the new apartments by the factory district?" I regret the question immediately for a girl like Jewel who was brought up in a higher class house than mine those apartments are only marginally better than living in a shack by the mines.

"I'll see about it" she tells me giving me a little sweet smile and leaving me and my sandwich alone in the kitchen. I bury my face in my hands and sigh, maybe tomorrow will be easier.

* * *

"You never wanted me to win, you wanted me to die so you could continue to be their favourite, you whore!" Sapphire taunts me that night, she's barely human her skin decaying from her body giving me glimpses of bone. It's a strange dream in that I'm fully aware that I'm dreaming but I can't force myself to wake up and escape the horror.

When I do awake I'm sweating and shivering, I've not had a nightmare that bad for almost a year now as my pills usually take care of them. I realise I never took one the night before so swallow two now feeling the calm rush though my body I float downstairs.

"Why did you tell Jewel to leave?" Dad demands as I stroll into the kitchen, he's usually at work by now but instead he sits cross armed at the table glaring at me, Jewel is nowhere to be seen.

"I .. I.. I want my house back to myself" I stutter why is he mad at me for this, "we always said it'd be a temporary thing, it's been over a year now"

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Maybe I need someone her Diamond, when you're out of your mind on those drugs or off gallivanting with strange men in the capitol. I know you don't act. Well unless the act you're doing here counts"

"She's leaving dad" I tell him ignoring his comment that now made it very clear that he knew exactly what I was doing in the capitol. Then again was I ever so naive to assume that he didn't know the truth.

"I always thought you'd amount to so much more Diamond" he tells me standing up and leaving the room, I stare after him in silence scowling slightly, so much more, more! I'm a hunger games victor, one of the most loved people in the country what more did he want of me.

Throwing myself on the couch I scream in frustration, I try so hard, I just want to please everybody, I want the capitol to love me, the men I fuck to love me, my family, dad. Why is it so hard to make people like me? Am I such a horrible person?

Of course I am.

* * *

As Silk had predicted an invite came for me for Masons party a week before it was due to happen, she didn't get one but Hale, Calix and Shimma did. We meet at the station on the morning of the party.

"Just the four of us then" Hale notes as he climbs onto the train, I notice he looks as me as he says this, I've replaced Silk in the capitols eyes and everyone knows it. Silk seems to be the only one who doesn't care.

I start off my trip with a visit to a regular client; Walton Snow is yet another distant cousin to the president he's a small and weedy man with a strange obsession with my feet. It takes all my energy to not snap him in half but one of my pills sees me through. After leaving Walton in the soiled sheets I shower and take myself back to my hotel. My dress is laid out on my bed so I change and sit on the bed to wait for the car to take me to this party. This was due to happen in half an hour; deciding to kill the time I turn on the large television screen.

Its typically a victor news show, shouting about who's got the capitols attentions most this week, there's a little bit about Ula's baby they've named her Coral and plan on telling her how brave her brother was in the arena. Poor child, she'll either grow up feeling the need to either win the games or kill me, I hope it's the second, at least that way she'll live. The hosts then move on to talking about Mason, the birthday boy himself. I was too mixed up in a world of excitement and new things to pay any notice to what they were saying about me at my first big post games appearance but I'm fixed to the screen as they talk about Mason.

Apparently he's been hailed in his district which isn't unusual, he's been showered with praise and gifts and women. He waves and he smiles and he flexes his abs, I scowl and turn off the screen.

I can't be doing with this I want it all to end.

But first I have to deliver Silks message.

I throw three pills down my throat to numb my brain and then a fourth to secure the numbness. I am not me anymore I am their pawn, their piece to mold and play with as they wish. It's easier to exist like this than to fight it.

I check my face for one last time before I leave the room and deciding I look to pale add a third layer of makeup. I plaster on a smile and head for the car.

* * *

There's no one to greet me at the venue I'm just left to my own devices expected to know what to do after all this time. I do know what to do of course, how to play the part dance the dance, I get a drink, something fizzy or colourful I'm not sure and I sip it and I dance and I smile. At some point Mason enters and I greet him politely,

"Well, if it isn't Miss Diamond Hart, It's a pleasure to meet another glamorous Victor who's under twenty five" he smile

I nod "thank you Mason, you won your games well"

It's stilted and it's overly formal and it tells Mason all I want him to know. I don't like him and don't have to talk to him.

At some point in the evening I slipped Silks note into Rock's hand as I congratulated him on Masons win, he slips it into his pocket and nods politely too me.

At another point I slip out onto the balcony for some fresh air when I hear the breathing of a horny man coming my way. I steady myself as I feel strong arms around my waist.

"I'd like to skewer you with my spear sometime Diamond" He drools

"You couldn't afford me Mason" I retort

"So the rumours are true then. You are for sale"

I turn around and Mason lets go "I don't have to explain myself to you" I tell him.

"But you do Diamond, Please" for a moment I see something in his eyes a hint of myself two years ago looking up into Silks eyes and asking for the truth.

No he's just playing with me, playing with his food like he did with ... with ... I can't even remember my own dead tributes name.

I sway on my feet for a moment, "Mason understand this" I say eventually before everything goes black.


	10. Treatment

A shining hot light glares in my face I can hear voices; I try to open my eyes but a sharp pain in my head forces them closed again. I focus on my other senses instead starting with hearing, Focus on the voices I think, who are they and what do they want with me?

"She should make a full recovery but we need to ensure it doesn't happen again" I don't know the voice but it's male and has a hint of the capitol dialect all be it in a more serious tone.

"I just wish I'd been told of these issues earlier" Scolds another voice, I do know that one it's that after care lady I've been to see all of the once, back when they used to pretend they cared. I wonder what issues she's referring to "We could have sorted it there and then, not let it get out of control like this".

"I'm sorry Vita but I thought she'd sort herself out, it never seemed that big of a deal, she's always been so strong" This voice is sad and broken; It's Silk, she's come to rescue me!

Sillk! I try to cry but no sound comes, maybe I'm in a coma, maybe I'll never wake up, I try and manage to wiggle my toes, maybe I'm just sleepy.

I let myself drift off to sleep again and awake to a quiet and darker room.

This time when I try to open my eyes it works with minimum pain and I can see my surroundings. Plain white walls, machines flickering and moving, there are wires and tubes sticking into my body. I try to sit up and fight my way out but find myself tied down to the bed.

"Help" I cry my voice sounds raspy, cracked and dry "Let me go! Don't you know who I am?"

Footsteps echo down the hall and the door of the small room flies open "Diamond you're awake" says the short man stood before me, he's on the pudgy side with long wispy blue hair and wears small blue rimmed glasses. He looks like a capitol man though he's not dressed in one, he wears a long white coat covered in buttons and badges around his neck is draped a long tool of some kind.

"What are you supposed to be" I hiss struggling against my restraints. I feel different to before, I feel angry, scared and wild. I feel alive.

"I'm your doctor Diamond, I'm here to help" his voice remains calm, too calm. What does he want from me!

"I don't need your help, I need my pills!" I scream, he's lying anyway doctors don't look like that, they look frazzled and tired, they are the men and women we trust. I don't trust this man.

"Your pills are why your here Diamond, you had what we call an overdose" he steps slowly towards me as he speaks slowly "You collapsed as Masons party a week ago and were brought here. We discovered you had a deadly mix of alcohol and drugs in your system, had you not been brought in. You could have died."

"Maybe that's what I wanted" I mutter, not really sure what I was saying, that night was all a blur. Yes I took my pills, yes I drank a lot but did I really do it to hurt myself? Why does it even matter to this man, I groan in anger as I continue to fight against my restraints.

"Then that's an even bigger problem Diamond" he says as he steps around my bed slowly, he looks at the machines and nods and mutters as if understanding what the waving lines and lights actually meant. "Well as your vitals seem fine I think I can turn you over to your psychiatrist" he tells me.

"My what?" I ask with a scowl, but he doesn't answer just hurries out of the room.

It turned out that Vita was my psychiatrist whatever that was supposed to be, she comes in shortly after a frown on her face "Doctor Lime tells me your incident may not have been accidental" she stays standing at the foot of my bed.

"I took four happy pills then drank myself silly. Can I go home now?" I wriggle my wrists carefully against my restraints trying to loosen them.

"Soon Diamond" she says pulling a chair towards my bed and sitting down "First we need to have a little talk"

"I'd feel more comfortable talking if I wasn't strapped to this bed" I tell her

"It's for your own safety" she tells me, more lies, it's for theirs "When did you stop taking the pills I prescribed?" she asks

"I don't remember" I scoff, if their lying to me I can return the act

"Do you remember when you first started taking the other drugs?" she continues

"No"

"Who gave you them?"

"Anyone who I asked to", my eyes dart around the room looking for an escape route.

"Who gave you them first?"

"I don't remember"

"What do you remember?"

"Everything" I smirk at the woman, she's not getting a thing out of me, they can't keep me here forever, soon I'll be allowed to go home.

Vita stands up the chair scraping on the floor as she pushed it away from her. "I'll come back when you're willing to talk"

"I'll talk when you un-strap me you bitch" I call after her "You can't keep me here I've not done anything illegal" I call after her "All I did was keep myself from murdering those people, keep myself from feeling like I do now!" I continue to fight against the restraints till I feel too weak to continue.

I expect Silk to come in next, to tell me everything will be okay, but she doesn't appear, the only other visitor I get that day is an Avox who tries to feed me, I refuse to eat and cause her to become covered in the food, she scowls at me and shakes her head slightly.

"I'll report you for that Avox" I tell her "you'll be sweeping the streets this time tomorrow" she scarpers quickly after that.

The day seeps into night and I try to sleep but I can't stop thinking about why I'm here. Yes I know Dad and Daria were mad about the pills but they are old, either having never been or being out of touch with the Capitol and its ways.

Then there was Castor and Pollux the twins who gave me the pills they made me laugh made me smile, made me feel happy and excited in the sea of old and disgusting men who had me so often. Seeing their young faces as I entered the room where our business took place made me happy.

Why would they give me something that harmed me? They loved me.

The night drags on as I lay strapped to this bed but I don't sleep. I wait till its late and then I begin screaming. Screaming and shouting and yelling I planned to wake up the whole building cause them all to run in and rescue me but no help comes.

The next morning I am just drifting off to sleep exhausted with the screaming when the door opens, the sounds of the hospital fly around my room and jerk me awake.

"GO AWAY!" I yell turning my head away from the door so I can't see who just disturbed my sleep.

"It's a big day for you Diamond" Vita croons "We're going to make you better" there is an underling threat in her words, mostly because I know I'll have little choice in the matter. I keep my eyes screwed shut as she continues to talk.

"We discussed it this morning, your doctor and I and decided it would be best for you to remain the capitol a bit longer, we will help your recovery much more with constant contact. It'll be much healthier for all involved in the process."

"Where's Silk?" I ask, trying to regain the anger I had yesterday.

"She's around I think" she replies casually "But I don't want you to worry about her or anyone else. This time is for you and me only."

There's a tap on the door and I look over as it slowly opens an Avox stands at the door, not the one I yelled at yesterday but another one, a stronger looking one.

"Come in yes" says Vita in a strained voice, "I need you to un-strap Diamond and then help me escort her to the bathroom" I guess it's just her, me and anyone who's on her side then.

The woman nods and I allow her to un-strap me from the bed, she removed the restraints completely and puts them away. I climb out of bed a little too fast and find myself stumbling a moment causing me to grab onto the Avox for support.

She glares at me for a moment before relaxing her eyes again, becoming passive again.

"Thank you" I say quietly as I steady myself, at this moment in time I realise I am as trapped as she is. I suddenly feel a bit guilty for yelling at the Avox yesterday, she was only doing as she'd been told.

She help me along to a door on the other side of the room that opens up into a concealed bathroom, a quick scan shows me there isn't even a window to escape through. The Avox helps me take off my hospital gown and turns on the shower with a flick of a switch.

She then thankfully leaves me alone.

I stand there for a moment watching the water flow out of the ceiling and breathe slowly.

I assess the situation, I am trapped, I am ill, I need help, that's what they are telling me after all.

But if it is true I know one thing for certain, I don't want that help to come from Vita or the doctors.

But who do I want?

I step into the flow of the water and feel instantly refreshed, the doctor said yesterday that I'd been asleep for a week after Mason's party, I wonder if Dads okay, he must be sick with worry back home. Or maybe he's forgotten me maybe he's happier now he has Jewel the daughter I could never be.

I slide onto the floor of the shower and let the water wash over me, maybe it'll wash my troubles away. Maybe I'll drown.

There is a bang on the door and the Avox steps into the room followed by Vita.

"What are you doing" she demands before I even get a chance to cover my nudity "get up and get dressed we need to talk"

I stand up and let the Avox wrap me in a luxurious warm gown before leaving me alone with Vita again.

She'd set up two chairs in the centre of the room, facing each other "Sit" she tells me as she sits on the chair that faces the window.

I decide not to obey her and walk over to the window instead, looking out there doesn't seem to be a way of opening it, and it also appears that I am on the fifth floor. I was at least hoping to discover where in the capitol I was but my view is of nothing but the blank wall of the next building. The centre then where the buildings are packed tightly together, though where I still don't know.

"Don't sit then" she says "Do you realise you're not getting out of here until you co-operate Diamond"

"I realise" I answer, turning away from the window and leaning against it, I can feel the cold glass on my back it makes a nice change to the warm sheets and robe.

"Then tell me about the pills." She crosses one leg over the other and stares at me,

"Do you know what happens to pretty victors Vita?" I ask "Do you know what they do to us, do you and Demica meet up and laugh and joke as I lay and take what I'm given"

"I don't know Demica Le May personally no, but I know her business" she replies, I scowl, I hadn't expected her to be so honest.

"Then you shouldn't have to ask any more questions of me" Her surprising honestly won't get to me that easy.

She looks at me for a moment and nibbles her lip in concentration "Who gave you the pills Diamond?" she ask eventually she doesn't get it. She never will.

"You did" I tell her "You sent me those sleeping pills but they were too strong, they we're only for night time. Then I was offered another pill it was pretty much the same but it worked all the day, it kept me cool and collected. It stopped me from hurting anyone who I shouldn't hurt."

"Like who?"

"Everyone, the men I slept with, Demica _Le May_, my family, my friends."

"Do you have many friends Diamond?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has a lot to do with your recovery, the type of support network you have" she tells me, she sounds like she's quoting from a book, I never pictured anyone in the capitol being smart enough to read a book, never mind quoting one.

I don't answer her straight away but pull myself away from the window and walk over to the other side of the room where a shelf filled with tools and bottles and sheets of paper lay, Vita keeps quiet as I move a few of the bottles around. She's waiting for an answer but I can't think of one to give, I can't list Silk as a friend they might send her home then she'll never save me.

"Well there's Jewel" I say eventually

"She lives with you and your father correct?"

"Yeah at the moment"

"You feel like this is going to change?"

"I don't know"

"Why?"

"Why do you keep asking all these stupid questions. Look if I just promise to stop taking the pills can I go home?!"

"No" she states simply before pausing she seems to think for a moment before continuing "It's bigger than that and you and I know it, You need to get to the point of your problem"

We seem to be on a level now, I tell her something she wants to hear and she'll respond with something I want to hear. The truth is meaningless.

"How's your mother?" she asks another question of me before I can even think of something to ask her.

"Why do people keep bringing that bitch up" I moan as I cross my arms and start to pace around the room again.

"It was a major turning point in your games Diamond, when you admitted to Clos..." I wince at the sound of him name but she acts as if she hadn't noticed "...who you were, you were also admitting to yourself and that you haven't continued with that is a problem" she finishes her lecture without missing a beat.

"I don't want to meet her because I know she doesn't want to meet me" I find myself being open with Vita again "I was never loved by her and then I killed her pride and joy, you don't understand, you can't understand" I sigh.

There is more silence as I continue to pace walking behind Vita to the door of the room, I'm tempted to try to door but this whole talking thing seems to be the only way out of here, if I was to run now then I'd probably just be strapped back to that bed. Vita seems unable to reply to my admission about my Mother and it gets to the point where even I can't remember if I told her the truth or not.

"I'm hungry" I try another tactic "Could we get an Avox to bring some food?"

"Of course dear" Vita smiles and stands before gracefully gliding out of the room, I sigh deeply and take my few moments of freedom to try and think clearly, it's hard. I sway slightly as I scrunch my eyes closed, focus I think, Focus!

The door to my rooms swings back open and Vita marches back in this time followed by yet another Avox pushing a cart filled with food that makes my mouth salivate.

"Tuck in" she smiles and I obey, she leaves me alone again as I eat the food that they have brought me, unsure of what will happen to me now.


End file.
